To calm down, close your eyes and silently count to 10. Take a few deep breaths, in through your nose and out through your mouth. You may even ask your friend for a moment to yourself to listen to music or walk around the block. Often the coming out is a relief because you have both danced around the topic.
You might reassure your friend by saying, “I’m glad you told me, but it doesn’t change anything. I still care about you just as much as I always have. "
Say something like, “I can’t imagine how hard this must be for you. Thanks for trusting in our friendship and sharing this with me. I really admire your honesty and bravery. " Ask about how you can support your friend, like, “I really want to be there for you in any way I can. Is there a way I can support you right now?"[3] X Expert Source Deb Schneider, LCSW, PPSCLicensed Clinical Social Worker Expert Interview. 2 April 2021.
At all costs, avoid saying things like, “Are you sure?” or “It’s probably just a phase. ”
For example, you might want to ask, “How long have you known you’re gay?” or “What can I do to support you? I’d like to. "
It’s okay to share your feelings, especially if your friend asks you to. However, don’t make your feelings the central focus of your conversation. For instance, if you’re feeling conflicted, you could say, “It will take some time for me to get used to this, but you’re still my best friend. Do you need anything from me right now?” For example, if they come out as gay and you are the same gender as them, don’t automatically assume they have a crush on you.
Despite increasing societal acceptance, LGBTQ people still face issues like workplace and housing discrimination, mental health problems, violence, and judgment from family and friends. Additionally, some LGBTQ people face outright rejection from their families. Being aware of these issues can help you support your friend better. [7] X Research source
One good resource is the GLBT Historical Society’s website at http://www. glbthistory. org/. Another good resource is the PFLAG website at https://www. pflag. org/.
If you ask a question your friend doesn’t know the answer to, try to find an answer together. Take matters into your own hands and learn some things on your own through research. Your friend will most likely really appreciate your effort and interest.
For instance, you could talk to someone else about your feelings or find more information on the issue. [10] X Expert Source Deb Schneider, LCSW, PPSCLicensed Clinical Social Worker Expert Interview. 2 April 2021. Remember that your feelings and beliefs are your own responsibility, not your friend’s. Try not to be angry with yourself. It’s okay to be unaware but willing to learn. Just accept your friend as you work through your own feelings.
Remember that your friend isn’t defined by their orientation or sex life any more than you are defined by yours.
If your friend is dating someone, meet that person. This shows that you have a genuine interest in your friend’s life.
There is a small chance that your friend may develop feelings for you. If this happens, don’t make a big deal of it. Just say something like, “I’m flattered, but I’m straight. ” If they’re a good friend, they’ll understand and respect your wishes. Don’t experiment sexually with your friend, even if you’re curious. Your friend may end up feeling used, especially if you aren’t serious. The risk of ruining your friendship isn’t worth it.
Even if you decide that you can’t maintain the friendship, be respectful of your friend’s privacy and keep the reason to yourself. If anyone asks, just say you drifted apart.
