Before saying anything more to the person, immediately take a few breaths to collect yourself. Don’t rush into making any decisions. Give yourself time to calm down first.
Say something like, “I need some time to come to terms with your reaction. I want to hang out again, but can you give me a few days?”
You may be tempted to reach for numbing substances like alcohol and drugs. These won’t make you feel any better. Instead, take good care of yourself by eating balanced meals, exercising, and getting enough sleep.
You might say, “Wendy, I’m humiliated. I told Greg I loved him. He told me he doesn’t look at me that way. I don’t know what to do. ”
For example, the person may have said “no” because they want to keep you as a friend—they don’t want to risk losing you if a relationship doesn’t work out. Another way to look at it is the person rejected you because there’s someone else out there who’s a better match for you. You just have to wait to meet them. Remind yourself that it takes a lot of courage to step up and declare your feelings. Admire that trait about yourself!
Your list might include traits like, “good listener,” “artistic,” and “compassionate. “ If you have trouble coming up with traits, ask your best friend or your parents. These people will probably recognize all of your great qualities.
For example, you might sign up for a Flamenco dancing class, or plan a short trip to a nearby city on your own.
Examples of positive affirmations may be “I am good at many things,” “Lots of people love to be around me,” or “I am a lovable person!” Repeat these affirmations each morning after you wake and periodically throughout the day when you feel down on yourself.
Go up and talk to the girl who tries to catch your eye at the coffee shop. Or, finally, say “yes” to a movie with the guy who’s been asking for weeks. Let the person know up front that you’re getting over someone else and not looking for anything serious. Just have fun and see where it goes.
You might say, “So, I still want to be your friend, but I can see I made you uncomfortable. How are we going to move on from this?” Actively listen to what the other person has to say. Find out exactly how they are feeling and what they are thinking. Brainstorm solutions to reduce any awkwardness or resentments.
You may have to decide if you are able to continue being friends with the person. You may have to go separate ways if you are unable to control your feelings and if they don’t go away over time.
Accept that once love enters the picture, things change. Be okay with not spending as much time with the person, if that’s what either of you wants. Your friendship might not improve until both of you are in fulfilling relationships, so be prepared for it to take a lot of time for things to get better between you.
