It takes time and a little effort to build your confidence, especially if you’re starting from a low point. Even if you don’t believe in yourself, pretend like you do. Faking confidence actually tricks your brain into believing that you are confident![2] X Research source Stand up straight when you’re walking, like you matter. Take up space like crossing your ankle across your knee when you’re sitting. Leaning nonchalantly against a nearby surface. Avoid crossing your arms across your chest, or not making eye contact when you talk to people. Both of these are defensive gestures.
Show what makes you unique and why you’re interesting. You don’t have to walk around wearing a pocket protector (do people do that anymore?), but you don’t have to hide that you’re interested in computers. She will accept you and if she doesn’t. . she’s probably not worth your time! Don’t try to be someone else, especially if you’re trying to be the person you think she wants. If she isn’t interested in the person you are, she’s not the girl for you.
Be careful about using aftershave or cologne. A little goes a long way! You don’t want to approach the girl you like in a cloud of cologne. Keep it down to a little spritz if you have to do wear it. Make sure to smell the deodorants before you buy them so you know how strong they smell and what they smell like. Again, you don’t want to overwhelm her with smell, but a little deodorant (especially if you’ve just played a game like soccer or basketball) will make you seem much more put together.
Pursue your own interests. If you’re into soccer, join a team and play games. You could even (if you’re feeling brave) invite her to come watch a game or to kick around a soccer ball with you. This will mean you have your own friends to hang out with, even if your groups overlap. Do things with your buddies rather than doing things only when you know that she’ll be there, or doing things only with her. This doesn’t mean that you ignore her completely. Of course not. When you see her around (either at school, or at mutual events), ask her what she’s been up to and mention some of the things you’ve been doing (like teaching yourself a language, going rock climbing, kicking butt on Call of Duty).
One way of showing respect is to stop doing something when she tells you to stop. For example, if you two were having a tickle war and she says “Stop it!” you stop, even if you think she’s kidding. If she is kidding, she’ll let you know and you can continue. Showing that you respect her right to say “no” in minor instances, will show that you are willing to respect her boundaries in more important instances. Be respectful to other people when you’re around her (and in general). Don’t talk about your ex as “that weirdo” or use language like that. Don’t degrade women, or call guys “pussies. " You’ll come across as disrespectful to women and you’ll come across as immature.
If she spends most of her time not making eye contact with you, or giving you short, one word answers, she either doesn’t want to be around you, or she’s upset with you. It’s probably best to back off. A girl who wants you to stick around is going to be pretty obvious about it. She’ll be turned towards you. She’ll be making eye contact and smiling and laughing at the things you say (not derisively). She may even touch you (like on the arm when she’s making a point). [4] X Expert Source Connell BarrettDating Coach Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
You can do this a couple different ways. A good way to do this is to make eye contact if she’s across the room, catch her eye and hold it. Now, if the two of you are having a conversation, make sure to look deeply into her eyes. For some reason, that intense, long look can cause butterflies in the other person. Smile when you’re looking at her, especially as you’re making eye contact. A little smirk can be even better than a giant grin.
Learn some of the things that they like and ask them questions about those interests. For example, if her friends are super into a t. v. show, ask them a little about it (what’s their favorite thing about the show, favorite characters, favorite episodes, things that irritate them about the show or the fandom). If you’re having a conversation with the girl you like and her friends are around, make sure to include them in the conversation. You can still give her the long, heart-felt, languishing looks while making sure that her friends don’t feel like you’re ignoring them completely. Don’t flirt with her friends, however. You don’t want to come across as a player who is out to get whichever girl responds to his attentions. The girl you like won’t think you’re interested in her if you’re flirting with all her friends, too.
Ask her opinion on things, even if it’s something silly. For example: say you’re wearing a shirt that your friend doesn’t like, ask for her opinion on whether the shirt is silly or not. Tell her she’s the final judge. It’ll make her laugh and feel important. Pay attention to the things that she does and says, so you can ask questions about it. For example, if she mentions going rock climbing, ask her how she got started rock climbing and what she enjoys about it. People like talking about themselves, so before you jump in with stories of your own, ask her another question about what she thinks.
For example: even if you’re at a loud party, when you’re having a conversation with her, maintain eye contact, ask questions and if your mind strays, ask for clarification (you can use the loud party as an excuse: “Sorry, it’s really loud in here. Can you repeat what you just said?”). To this end, when you’re having a conversation with her, don’t fidget with stuff, or keep looking all around the room, or keep checking your phone. She’ll feel that you don’t really care what she has to say.
Gently poke fun at yourself. You don’t have to do a big self-deprecating speech (in fact that will make you seem not confident), but a few jabs at yourself will get her laughing and show that you don’t take yourself too seriously. For example: talk about how you got hit in the head with a soccer ball that day when you weren’t paying attention, or that time you went to the wrong class because you forgot what day it was. Bring up something funny that you saw that day (or within the previous week). It should be something a little out of the ordinary and funny. For example: ask her if she’s ever ended up entangled with a bunch of zombies and then tell her about the zombie walk you accidentally ended up in the middle of.
Unless she’s made it explicitly clear, flirting really obviously can be off-putting to some girls. Keep that in mind when you’re hanging out with her. If you aren’t a good flirt, eye contact and humor will probably be your best bets. Flirting over text, however, can be a great, non-threatening type of flirting. Of course, you want this to be only supplementary to your interactions in person. Keep texts short, sometimes a picture is worth more than a hundred words (especially a funny picture; do NOT send explicit pictures unless she has actually asked for them!). It’s good to have a reason to text. You could say something like “saw this and thought of you” (and then send a picture). Giving her the right compliment can be a great way of expressing interest and flirting. Don’t do something basic like “you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met” (it comes across as insincere). Instead, say something like “Did you realize your sweater matches your eyes? it’s a beautiful color,” or “of course you aced that test, you’re super smart!"[6] X Expert Source Connell BarrettDating Coach Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.
Don’t do it in front of everyone. Choose a time and place where you’re both sober and in your right mind. Simply say “Hey, I really like you and I was wondering if you’d like to go on a date sometime. " Don’t do this over the phone or text or social media, because you will come across as a coward and most girl’s don’t find that a particularly attractive quality. Respect her decision, even if she says “no. " It can hurt when someone says no, but remember that it isn’t about you as a person, it’s simply that your proposal didn’t work for her (because she isn’t interested, or because she already has a boyfriend, or she’s into girls, etc. ). You can ask why if you must, but if she simply says “Because I’m not interested” that’s your answer and leave it at that. If she says “yes,” then yay! Now you two can get to planning a super fun first date. The relationship might not work out, but you proved your bravery by asking her out and your worth by treating her with respect.
