If the fart is too loud or smells too bad to realistically ignore, you may have to orchestrate an escape plan. Look perplexed, create a distraction and get out of there.
It’s not uncommon to detect strange noises without knowing the source, and there will be no reason for anyone to assume that the sound they heard was a fart, or that it came from you in particular.
Be sure not to directly accuse a particular person of the indiscretion. Since you’re trying to sidestep embarrassment yourself, pinning it on someone else is a dishonorable move. Some light laughter can help alleviate the awkwardness of the situation whether others suspect it was you or not.
You’ll need to stick pretty close to the dog if you want this tactic to be convincing. People will eventually catch on if they keep getting musky whiffs while Fido is all the way across the living room.
While this is the most civilized and secretive method, making a break for it after siphoning some sulfur won’t always be possible. If you happen to be in a time and place where you can’t justify excusing yourself, you may have to try out another approach.
If you’re the type who blushes easily or don’t think you’re capable of pulling one over on an unsuspecting crowd, consider finding another place to take refuge after easing out a surprise fart. If this method fails, it will leave you in the middle of a flock of people who are all likely to find out that it was you that, in fact, dealt it.
This method may be a lifesaver to those who work physical jobs or often partake in activities where they can move around freely, especially if you have the added advantage of being outside.
Don’t be too obvious about the cover noise you’re generating. Act natural. And, of course, if the problem gets to be too much for you to handle at an important social event, you may have to just bite the bullet and let it go.
Avoid hard surfaces, such as park benches or wooden chairs, or “reflective” surfaces, like leather and hard rubber, when you’re gassy. The acoustics of these materials tend to amplify the vibrations of impactful sounds, and if your antagonistic fart happens to be too powerful, the hard surface will advertise it to the world.
