Notice your internal monologue. If you start feeling sad or weak, listen to the thoughts going through your head. If the thoughts are negative, for example, “I’m such a loser,” interrupt those thoughts and substitute positive self-talk. For example, replace “I’m such a loser” with “I’ve dealt with hard things before and I know I can deal with this, because I’m tough. ”
Start by saying no when people hassle you. If someone bullies you, don’t laugh it off and pretend you don’t care. Instead, make it clear that you don’t like being bullied and you won’t tolerate it. If someone pushes you, say, “Did I say you could touch me?” Don’t give into peer pressure. If you want to look tough, you need to stand up for yourself when you don’t agree with your friends. If your friends are going to a party but you don’t feel up to it, say, “I hope you guys have fun but I’m going to stay in tonight. I’ll come next time. ”
Presenting a tough exterior doesn’t mean you should ignore your feelings. It’s important to have a friend, family member, of counselor with whom you can express yourself freely.
If you see someone getting bullied or teased, step in and tell the bullies to stop. If the bullies says it’s none of your business, say, “I’m making it my business. ”
Make sure your clothes fit. No matter what your body type, well-fitting clothes will make you look better. If you can’t find clothes that fit will, or you don’t have enough money to buy a new wardrobe, take your clothes to a tailor. For just $5 or $10 a tailor can make the shoulders of your shirts fit your frame and the width of your pants follow the lines of your body. Try wearing simpler clothes. A plain white t-shirt with a straight black hoodie will often look tougher on a guy than a colorful shirt with patterns. For girls, blue jeans and a well-fitting leather jacket project toughness.
Lift weights three times a week. If your school has a gym, go there for one hour on three days of the week. Focus on working out your shoulders, biceps, chest, back, and legs. If you don’t have access to a gym, there are other ways to develop muscle. Chopping and stacking firewood is a good way to develop upper-body muscles. Pushing sleds on a football field is a good way to build your leg muscles.
Shower regularly. Try to shower every morning and anytime you work out. Brush your teeth. You should do this at least twice a day. Comb your hair. Combed, styled hair is classic sign of toughness. Wear deodorant. If you’re a guy, choose a masculine scent like pine needles. If you’re a girl, choose a neutral scent that doesn’t smell too flowery.
When you’re standing up, keep your head straight in line with your back. Don’t let your chin droop down. Keep your shoulders back and your chest extended forward. Let your arms hang naturally at your sides. When you’re sitting, don’t slouch. You can lean back if you want to, but try to keep your shoulders back at all times.
Seek out friends that you share things in common with. Part of being tough is knowing what you want. So, don’t join a group just because they “look cool. ” Instead, choose your friends based on shared interests. If you have trouble making new friends, join a club or sports team. Don’t be afraid to approach new people. If you hear a group talking about something that interests you, such as football, join the conversation and offer your own input. For example, you might say, “Did you guys catch the game last night? That pass in the third quarter was insane. ” If new people reject you, don’t pout. Realize that they’re not the kind of people you need in your life anyway. Move on to a new group.
If you know of an activity your friends might enjoy, bring it up to the group. Try to be specific. For example, if there’s a concert coming up, say, “Hey guys, let’s get tickets for the concert this weekend. They go on sale this afternoon so I’ll come by and pick you up so we can be first in line. ” Include everyone in your friend group. A good leader never leaves someone out. If you include everyone whenever you talk or make plans, everyone in your group will start to look up to you as tough and reliable.
Attend self-defense or martial arts classes. If your school doesn’t provide classes, try your local YMCA or other gym. Remember that fighting should only be a last resort. A truly tough person is able to ward off fights and deflect tension before it escalates.
If you find yourself being a bully, or realize you’ve been a bully in the past, apologize. A willingness to take responsibility for your behavior is a hallmark of toughness. It shows that you’re not afraid of being wrong or deciding to do the right thing instead of going along with the crowd.
