Gender is determined in your mind and heart, not by your anatomy. If you really feel like a girl, you are a girl. It’s just that not everyone knows it. Some transgender people compare it to being born in the wrong body. Others feel comfortable with their bodies. For example, a trans boy might say that because he is a boy, that makes his body a boy’s body.
Genderfluid people may switch genders from time to time. For example, maybe that means being a boy yesterday, a girl today, and agender tomorrow. Demiboys/Demigirls only partially fit the label of “girl” or “boy. " Agender people have no gender. Bigender people have two genders simultaneously. For example, someone might be both a boy and a girl, or both a girl and agender.
Of course, transgender and nonbinary people can be gay or queer, as well. You can be a girl who likes girls, or a nonbinary person who likes girls. There’s nothing wrong with that, either.
It is okay to be a guy who likes feminine things, if that’s what you turn out to be. Whether you’re a boy who likes pink or a boy who likes to cross-dress, that’s okay. You don’t have to match narrow gender roles. You don’t have to be 100% traditionally feminine in order to be a real girl. Some girls like baseball, superheroes, and wearing pants. If you think you’re a trans girl, this doesn’t invalidate your gender. Take as much time as you need to in order to figure things out. There’s never any rush to know who you are.
It’s okay to be a girl who has traditionally masculine interests, like sports or technology. You don’t have to stifle yourself or your interests just to be a girl.
Some trans girls do feel most comfortable with an immediate makeover, and that’s okay, too. There’s no “right” way to transition.
If you don’t know how to take care of your hair, look it up online or in magazines. Checking out wikiHow’s Hair Care articles can be a great place to start. Some parents might be hesitant to let their kids grow out their hair. If your parents are these kinds of parents and don’t want you to grow your hair, there may be ways to convince them. For example, you could tell them that you feel that growing out your hair will help you be seen as more of an individual.
Caring for yourself can also make physically transitioning easier on you, if you choose to transition later on in life.
You could also choose to get your ears pierced. Many girls have their ears pierced, and this provides a great opportunity to look for cute earrings. However, if you don’t want your ears pierced or your parents won’t let you, that’s okay - there are plenty of girls with non-pierced ears, too. While it’s fun to go shopping and check out whatever you can find, don’t buy any accessories that you aren’t comfortable with or don’t feel match your personality. There’s no need to buy the flower crown if you feel that it doesn’t suit you.
If you want to feel extra attractive, figure out what colors suit you, and how to dress to accentuate your body type. It’s okay to wear “boy clothes” if you can’t find anything you like in the girl’s section. For example, if girl’s pants aren’t comfortable for you, it’s okay to wear boy’s pants. Your comfort is important, too.
Be careful about looking on some social media sites - there are some people online who like to tell people whether or not they’re transgender, or tell people that their gender doesn’t exist. Running into these people may make you doubt yourself or feel bad about yourself, so try to steer clear of them whenever possible.
You don’t need to look for a gender therapist specifically. A therapist who understands transgender issues can be a great outlet, too. Gender therapists are a good source for if you want to physically transition, though. A therapist should not try to force you into a gender role that you aren’t comfortable with, tell you what gender you “are”, or make you do anything relating to your gender that you aren’t comfortable with. If your therapist does this, they’re not a good therapist, and you should find a new one.
Of course, it’s okay to be friends with boys, too. Just consider trying to make your circle of friends consist of mostly girls. In school, most people hang out with those who are of their same gender. Hanging out with girls can help to make you feel more like a girl. Some people may bully you for being a girl and hanging out with girls. These people just don’t understand that there are people like you in the world. Tell them firmly to stop being mean to you, and take it to a trusted adult if it doesn’t stop. Remember the phrase, “I’m okay, you’re mean” if people are treating you badly.
You aren’t obligated to share personal information about your gender with your parents, especially if they would judge you for it. It isn’t dishonest to avoid telling in order to keep yourself and your education secure.
Eat as healthy as you can and stick to a good exercise routine. [4] X Research source Try to spend some time outdoors if possible, too - it will help. [5] X Research source On a smaller scale, make sure you’re doing things like showering, eating regular meals, and moving around a bit rather than staying in bed all day for no real reason. Engage in activities you enjoy, such as fun hobbies, watching TV or movies, learning something new, or anything else that you like doing. [6] X Research source Keep an eye on your mental health. Unfortunately, trans people (especially trans youth) are at a higher risk of self-injury or suicide. It’s important to avoid self-injury and cope with suicidal thoughts. If you’re really struggling, you can contact LGBT-specific crisis lines, like the Trevor Project or the Trans Lifeline.
If clothing is the issue, try looking for clothing that’s considered “boy’s” clothing, so that your parents don’t object to it. You can find many of the same styles of clothing in the boy’s section as well (e. g. skinny jeans). You can also try things like polishing your nails with a clear nail polish, wearing some very subtle makeup (if safe to do so), or practicing more feminine self-care routines, like shaving or moisturizing your skin. These typically go unnoticed unless someone is looking closely. [7] X Research source
Even friends who have already transitioned, or friends who aren’t trans, can still be great supports. Sometimes all you need is someone who will listen to you vent, validate how you feel, and then join you in something that will help take your mind off things when you’re ready. For those who can’t find in-person supports, there are many groups for transgender people online. Just take caution to make sure these groups are hidden from those who you don’t want to know about your true gender.
Get screened for anxiety and depression. Without proper support, trans people can be at high risk for these illnesses. Treatment can improve your quality of life. Explain the reasons why you do not feel safe transitioning to the professional. They may be able to help you.
If your school has a GSA or LGBT club of some sort, you may be able to join it and express yourself. Be sure to stay out of club photos, though, or your parents may realize it when the yearbooks are printed.
