Set goals for yourself that are meaningful rather than goals that you hope will help get you more attention. Start conversations that others can join in and share their input instead of stating facts and opinions. A good way to encourage a two-way conversation is to ask open-ended questions and bring up broad topics.
Notice the good features of others and make comments about those positive things. Switch out statements like “That sweater looks expensive for your taste” with “That sweater makes you look like a million bucks!” If you feel yourself about to blurt out a backhanded comment, take two to three deep breaths first. It calms your fight or flight reaction and can help to clear the mind. Thinking clearly is key to speaking with clarity and kindness.
Get out of your comfort zone and talk with someone outside of your normal circle. Attend a networking event or go to a cafe that interests you, but isn’t something you would normally attend. Sign up for a knitting class or learn to code if it’s something you’ve always wanted to try. Find common traits among yourself and people who look, dress or act differently. Start up a conversation with a simple statement or question. Comments like “Doesn’t the city look beautiful from this side of the park?” or “I love exploring new places to get coffee, what’s your favorite?”
Share knowledge and information with others only if you know they have a genuine interest as well. Avoid the urge to one-up someone else in a conversation. Don’t devalue the way others live or the way they feel. Enjoy the differences between yourself and those around you, instead of comparing interests, material possessions and money.
Try asking something like, “Your trip to Florida sounds really nice! What else did you do while you were there?”
If someone disagrees with a statement you’ve made, genuinely ask them to share why. Show an interest in another point of view and open your mind to other perspectives. Don’t view your opinions as facts.
Don’t cut others off in the middle of a sentence to ensure you get your point across. If it’s important enough to the conversation, wait for a pause. Ask other people questions about how they feel and view a situation. Notice others’ body language and whether they seem engaged or disinterested. Try not to talk just for the sake of talking. If you feel like you are, say something like “I feel like I’ve been talking so much, tell me about your life. ”
Notice if you say statements that start with something like ‘you should always’ and urge yourself to shift your language to something like ‘I believe’ or ‘in my experience. ’ Tell yourself that everyone comes from a different background with different experiences and resources. Keep an open mind during new experiences and inquire more information if someone shares a differing opinion.
Learn about something new regularly. Make a goal to read about a new topic or do something you’ve never done on a monthly, weekly or even daily basis. Ask experts on the topic, whether you personally know them or can connect with them virtually. Keep in mind that it is perfectly okay to say “I don’t know. ” Avoid pretending that you know about a subject if you don’t. Just be honest about what you know and don’t know.
Instead of giving advice, simply explain that you are there to help if needed. Let other people make decisions and mistakes and avoid pointing out mistakes of others if the outcome doesn’t come out well. No one wants to hear “I told you so” –even if you think it’s warranted.
It may not easy to remind yourself of what makes you great, but don’t forget about all your awesome qualities. Wear what makes you truly happy and do things that you fully enjoy. As you fill your life with more joy, you’ll be happier and more confident in yourself.
Write down or recite three things that you’re grateful for each morning before you get out of bed. Repeating these positive things can help instill a better sense of self-esteem and happiness.
Each month go over what you did the previous month and what you have planned for the next. Eliminate anything that didn’t make you happy in the previous month, and anything that you’re hesitant about in the upcoming month.
