For example, if someone asks you how work is going, you could give a short summary of a current project you are working on, like “I’m getting the store ready for the holidays by setting up some displays. ” This sounds much better than, “The regional manager came in last week and said I always do the best job getting my employees to set up the endcaps correctly. ” Even if the statement is true, it comes across as bragging and sounding superior. If someone asks you about your achievements, talk about them briefly. If the person seems interested, you can elaborate. For example, the person you are talking to may be genuinely interested in your invitation to speak at a conference. You could say, “Yes, it’s next month. I’m nervous but very grateful for the opportunity,” and then elaborate on what you plan to talk about. That sounds better than, “I was so pleased to be offered the invitation because I’ll get to be onstage with some of the most important people in my field. ” The first example is stating facts and feelings, while the second statement implies how important you think you are.
For example, you could say, “Aaliyah, I loved what you said in the meeting about reaching out to other departments on this project. I think it was important. ” Complimenting people also makes them feel very good about themselves, and positively reinforces their behavior. [2] X Research source Put others in the spotlight. Have them talk about their own accomplishments and praise them for their talents.
For example, if someone says, “Your sculpture is amazing! You are so talented!” you could say, “Thanks. I had a great teacher in high school who helped influence my work. I give her a ton of credit. ”
When people offer their ideas, don’t shoot them down because you think you know better. They still may have something to contribute, and may be able to offer a different way to look at a situation. Try saying, “I’ve never thought about it that way before” or “That’s an interesting perspective. ” If you know the person to be wrong about a factual matter, determine if it is necessary to correct them (for example, if you are working on an important project). If it is, back up your correction with necessary research and try saying, “Nancy, I’m so sorry. I don’t want to sound like I’m calling you out, but those earlier numbers you mentioned weren’t correct,” then show the information you have. If you remain polite and humble, you will not seem like a know-it-all. Keep in mind that different people have different ways of doing things that are not necessarily wrong or right. Raising children is a great example. There are many different ways to raise a child successfully, and what works best for one family may be a complete disaster in another.
For example, say you are very health-conscious, and your sister tells you she had fast food for dinner. Instead of telling her how horrible fast food is for her (she probably already knows, anyway), you can ask her a question about her dinner (Did she go out with friends? Where did she eat?) or just change the subject.
Admitting mistakes shows your willingness to be vulnerable, which people connect with more strongly than a person up on a pedestal. Admitting you were wrong gives other people permission to talk about their screw-ups, as well as helps to build empathy.
For example, think of sitting near a crying baby on an airplane. It is an annoying noise and it is beginning to stress you out. Now imagine being the parent of the crying baby. The parent knows how frustrated other people are at their child and is doing everything possible to get the baby to stop. How would you feel as the parent, knowing people were getting mad at you and the baby? You might feel stressed out, overwhelmed, or helpless. This is how you develop empathy.
If you have a hard time not dominating a conversation, practice stepping back and letting others take a turn, before you make your point. Sum up the points you heard: “It sounds like everyone wants to get pizza. I’m good with that. Everyone wants pepperoni?” Ask questions. Be interested in other people and their lives. Most people love to talk about themselves and appreciate the opportunity to share the things they care about with others.
Withhold judgment on other people’s lives and choices. Keep an open mind, and use your empathy skills to try to understand where the person is coming from, and why they would make the choice they did. For example, perhaps the idiot who cut across a lane of traffic to turn was actually lost and in a hurry. Until you know the whole story, it is unfair to judge.
Ask someone who loves the activity you disdain to tell you more about it. You might enjoy the activity more if you understand it or have some background information. For example, you might dislike football, but you decide to keep an open mind and attend a game. Go with a friend who loves it, who can explain the intricacies of the game to you, and who knows how to enhance the experience – they might know the best refreshments to order at the game, for example.
Follow a professional sports team. Or, at least be aware of how your local team is doing. See a blockbuster movie. Read the current “must-read” book that everyone is talking about. Flip through a celebrity gossip magazine at the grocery store checkout or while waiting at the doctor’s office.
Volunteer. Maybe you could teach your area of expertise to members of your community at a free class at your community center. Or consider donating your skill set to nonprofit organizations who could use your help. For example, if you’re a web designer, volunteer your time at a nonprofit you believe in and help update their webpages. Many volunteer opportunities will expose you to different ideas and people, which will help you be less pretentious by becoming more open-minded and less judgmental.
Consider that simple, straightforward speech often does the job just as well or better than more difficult words that risk the listener’s confusion. For example, “Refrain from grousing” and “Don’t complain” mean essentially the same thing, but the first is far more likely to make someone head to the dictionary.
