If you notice them, keep turning your gaze as if you didn’t see anything that caught your eye. That way, if they approach you, you can say that you didn’t see them. If you know their routine, consider avoiding the places where they tend to hang out, or go at a time when the person is unlikely to be there.
Making eye contact invites communication, so if you accidentally encounter the negative person, try to avoid looking them in the eye. Instead, pretend to be busy looking elsewhere. If you know anyone else in the vicinity, get involved in a conversation. When the negative person sees you engaged in a conversation with another person, she’s unlikely to interrupt with her negative remarks. If they approach you, try saying “Oh, hi! I was just going to ____. Where are you headed?” After they say where they’re going, say “Well, I won’t keep you. See you later!”
Limit your responses to negative topics to neutral ones, such as, “I see,” or “Okay. " When someone gives a positive response, react with enthusiasm. When negative subjects arise, it’s okay to change the subject.
If the group energy is mostly positive, then you’ll be less effected by the negative energy coming from the person you’re trying to avoid. The negative person may behave differently in a group setting.
If they say something rude or offensive, respond with an “Okay then” or “Huh. Anyway. . . " with a subject change. Don’t debate your decision to avoid the person. This isn’t a choice that needs to be made together. Don’t defend yourself from attack. Arguing gives them a foothold into your life. Instead, shrug it off and act indifferent. If they persist, say something like “If you call me names again, I’m leaving. "
Be prepared for the person to react negatively to being cut from your social media feed. You may need to block the person from contacting you by email as well. If the person doesn’t respect your boundaries, and continues to try to contact you after repeated blocks and lack of response on your part, you may need to seek additional help.
If you want to explain it, consider a brief note or in-person notice. It’s best to keep it short. A longer explanation can quickly become a debate about whether or not you’re right, when all you really need to do is tell them calmly that you’ve decided to end the friendship.
For example, perhaps the person just got out of a long-term relationship and is feeling hopeless about their prospects for finding a loving partner. They might really appreciate you saying something like, “I have noticed you have been having a hard time lately. Do you want to talk about it?”
See if you can provide reassurance about the fear that the person is dealing with. Try addressing the area of concern rather than the specific complaint. For example, if your negative friend is complaining about the way her boss treats her, she might be concerned about her financial security (if she loses her job) and her pride or self-esteem (if she’s being treated negatively). Rather than engage in complaints about her boss, focus on the economic upturn in your local economy, or that her job has a lot of room for growth.
Try talking about the latest movie you’ve seen, happy news, or your hobbies might help your friend be more positive. Have compassion for yourself through this process. [11] X Expert Source Nicolette Tura, MAAuthentic Living Expert Expert Interview. 23 January 2020. If you don’t allow yourself to become derailed by self-judgment, you’ll be more able to successfully navigate your friendship.
For example, if your husband says, “Shut up, I’m not finished,” you can choose to respond by saying, “I’m sorry, please go on. " This response connects with his perspective (that you interrupted) and deflates the negative spiral. On the other hand, if your husband says, “Shut up, I’m not finished,” and you say, “I didn’t interrupt, and you’re a jerk,” you’ll only escalate the negative tension.
Sometimes the key is recognizing that it’s okay not to agree about everything. People can have different perspectives and still get along, as long as those perspectives are both reasonable and based in somewhat similar values. In romantic relationships, around 60% of problems may be insurmountable. The issue isn’t the fact of the problem in the relationship, but the way in which the couple chooses to handle it. [13] X Research source
Other beneficial practices included concentration meditation and training designed to promote empathy. This research suggests that regardless of the actions of another person, it’s possible to manage your own response and minimize the negative impact another person has upon your life.
Do I dread spending time with them? Do I help them because I feel sorry for them? If I was just meeting them for the first time, would I want to be friends? Do they see themselves as a victim? Do they tend to get “stuck” on negative topics and exaggerate how bad things are? Do they seem to have an external locus of control, meaning that they feel powerless about their life and circumstances?
Does the person boss you around a lot? Do they make time for your point of view, or do they steamroll over you? Do they take you seriously if you say that their behavior is upsetting you or others? Have they ever called you names? Do they blame you for not doing or knowing things that you were never told about?
You enjoy helping others, so you feel good when you swoop in to “fix” everything. You sometimes feel overwhelmed by life, so despite this person’s controlling nature, you like having them come help you. You don’t act on many of your desires, so watching them do whatever they feel like regardless of consequences is intriguing.
Try a “meetup” group or other special interest group, which will be full of potential new friends who share your interest. Find the positive qualities in your own life that don’t include the negative person.
Creating distance from another person often involves giving yourself internal permission, realizing that it’s okay to take care of yourself by avoiding the negative person. Trust that this is a process, and you won’t be able to shed yourself of a negative person overnight. This is particularly true if the negative person is someone you’ve known for a long time, a relative or spouse. Be gentle with yourself as you disengage from the negative person.
