You do not have to share your opinion, even if someone else is. You can keep it to yourself to avoid conflict, especially if you know what the hot button issues in your family are. Is it really worth it to respond if your uncle is hassling you about a political candidate you supported on Facebook this election?[3] X Research source Sometimes, it’s better to simply bite your tongue. Try to remind yourself you’re unlikely to change anyone’s mind in a brief argument over the holidays. Try to laugh it off if someone is saying something that irks you. You can always rant to friends later on.
Say your Aunt Lesley is loudly discussing her opinions on the United States prison system. Try to think of something less loaded you can insert into the discussion. For example, “Speaking of prison, did you guys see that Orange is the New Black show? It’s interesting how Netflix is doing its own original stuff now. Strange how TV is changing. " This turns the conversation away from prison altogether. While you’re bringing up a show related to prison that has some political undertones, you’re turning the conversation towards changing forms of media rather than the show itself.
For example, say you’re debating climate change. You can say something like, “Look, at the very least, I think we can both agree we should protect the planet, whether global warming is real at not. Why don’t we just leave it at that?” Then, try to change the subject. Again, be persistent. Some relatives may be particularly argumentative, so make an effort to shut this down. [6] X Expert Source Maggie MitchellLife Coach Expert Interview. 18 October 2021. Just keep repeating yourself, in different ways. For example, “Yes, I know you don’t think global warming is manmade, but we both know our planet is important. We can agree on that. "
Maybe you know your cousin Sophie is going through a rough breakup. She loves complaining about her ex, but the conversation has turned to religion. You can say something like, “What church did Chris go to again?” She may start ranting about her ex and abandon the politics. You can also find a personal question to ask to derail the conversation. For example, your Uncle Ted has been complaining about the dangers of medical marijuana, a topic that usually sparks debate. He may say something like, “I never wasted my time on drugs when I was young. " Try to say something like, “What kind of things did you do for fun in college?”
This is where you should think about picking your battles. Some opinions will not change, and some subjects are simply not worth debating anymore. Maybe you know you and your Grandma Hattie will never agree on abortion. You also know you and your cousin Michael are simply not going to see eye-to-eye on gay marriage. These should both go on your mental list of off-limit topics. If someone tries to ask you about something you’re not comfortable discussing, say so and shut down conversations before they start. [10] X Expert Source Maggie MitchellLife Coach Expert Interview. 18 October 2021. . For example, “Sorry, Aunt Louise, but I would really rather not share my views on abortion. I feel like that’s a very private subject for me, and I personally like to keep my opinions on the issue to myself. "
Innocent questions can trigger an argument. Your career-focused cousin, for example, may constantly get asked why she isn’t married, leading to arguments about feminism. Avoid asking potentially loaded questions at events, even if you mean them in an innocent fashion. Politics may come up in conversation naturally. As politics are such a big part of the world, many benign discussions can quickly turn political. While you cannot control your entire family, you can always censor yourself. For example, do you really want to talk to your family about your friend Ellie losing her job due to layoffs in her company? This may seem like an innocent enough fact to you, but it could easily spark a debate about the current economy.
For example, say you have strong opinions regarding healthcare. You are very much in favor of recent reforms to the healthcare system. Your uncle has recently undergone a serious surgery, and has had trouble with his insurance. While telling the story, he starts venting about how damaging healthcare reform is. It’s okay if you disagree. However, keep in mind your uncle is telling a personal story. He is frustrated with personal issues and feels like he needs to vent. You do not necessarily need to argue with him about healthcare reform at the present moment. Tell him you hope he feels better soon, without explicitly agreeing or disagreeing with his assessment of the healthcare system.
Think of a simple and respectful means of derailing a conversation. If your cousin is talking your ear off about abortion, and you strongly disagree with his views, say something like, “Thanks for sharing your perspective, but I guess we’ll have to agree to disagree. " If you’re dealing with a particularly argumentative person, and don’t want to openly disagree, you can try something like, “Interesting perspective. I’ll have to think about that. " Stand firm. If someone keeps bringing up a topic, keep reiterating yourself. [15] X Expert Source Maggie MitchellLife Coach Expert Interview. 18 October 2021. For example, say you tell your cousin you have to “agree to disagree” on abortion, and he says, “Why is that? How do you feel?” Say something like, “Let’s just not get into it. It’s okay that we don’t feel the same way. "
For example, you and your mother are polar opposites. You’re very conservative, while she’s very liberal. Try to agree, before a family event rolls around, to just not bring up anything political to keep the peace. [19] X Expert Source Maggie MitchellLife Coach Expert Interview. 18 October 2021.
Remember, people come into the world with different experiences. While you may disagree with your Uncle Ted, does he have a unique background that may make him feel the way he does about a subject? Can you make an effort to understand him better, even if you don’t respect his viewpoint? Ask questions. Instead of seeing this discussion as a chance to win or lose, see it as a chance to gain insight into a point of view that’s foreign to you. Ask things like, “Why do you feel that way?” and “Is there a reason you think that?”
For example, say you’re arguing about Planned Parenthood with your very conservative cousin. Say something like, “You know, I guess I see it differently, as I’m friends with a lot of women who don’t make a lot of money. Planned Parenthood has always provided services when my friends were in need, so I personally think it’s important to keep it funded. " Try to empathize with your cousin. Make it clear you are engaging, without wanting to argue. You can follow up with something like, “But I understand, given your views on abortion, why you see it differently. " You can also say something like, “But thank you for sharing your opinion. "
If you are discussing politics and sharing differing opinions, it’s especially important not to interrupt. This can come off as argumentative.
Remember, someone having an opposing viewpoint is not a personal attack on you. Keep this in mind when arguing. Do not resort to saying things like, “So you think I’m stupid?” Be aware of the volume of your voice. If you’re feeling passionate, you may be raising your voice without meaning to do so. This can come off as arguing, even if you’re trying to be respectful.
