Remember that there are also no “right” ways to be lesbian, straight, bisexual, or any other sexual identity. Your identity is defined by who you are, not any stereotypes or expectations. [2] X Expert Source Marissa Floro, PhDCounseling Psychologist Expert Interview. 1 April 2021. Consider taking an online sexuality quiz to determine what sexuality label (if any) feels right for you.

Try to reframe this process in your head. Exploring your sexuality is a good thing, and it might even start feeling exciting. Do your best not to judge yourself. Take a step back to really look at how you feel, and be kind and open to any feelings that come up.

For example, if you’re feeling embarrassed or ashamed, think about what those feelings might stem from, like long-held romantic beliefs from family or media. Little by little, start to pick apart the reasoning behind your negative feelings. You might realize, for example, that just because you were raised to think that certain things are normal or right, doesn’t mean those ideas have to control who you are now.

If you’re feeling conflicted, confused, or scared, lean on the things that make you the happiest. Remind yourself of who you are and what you love, and remember that being lesbian won’t change those things.

Therapists are required to report abuse and things that could harm you or others, like thoughts of suicide.

Look for online and in-person groups that seem legitimate, with connections to LGBT organizations or therapists. If you’re not comfortable talking yet, just log in or sit in on sessions to listen. When it comes to sharing your story, it’s OK to take your time.

Pay attention to friends and family members who seem open and accepting. They might mention having LGBT friends or even talk about their own sexual orientation. Start the conversation when you’re alone and say something like, “I’m not ready to tell anyone else this yet, but I think I’m a lesbian. ”

Try watching shows with lesbian representation, like Glee and Orange is the New Black, and movies like Imagine Me and You and Carol. For books, try reading Annie On My Mind by Nancy Garden, or The Bermudez Triangle by Maureen Johnson.

Start by talking to people who you know will support you. This will give you a support system for when you open up to others. If you’re not sure how someone will respond, bring up lesbian movies or shows, or talk about general LGBT issues, like the Supreme Court’s decision to allow gay marriage. See whether they seem respectful or against the idea. Explain how you feel by saying something like, “I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and I’ve realized I’m attracted to other girls. ” Let them ask questions afterwards.

Seem homophobic. They might make negative comments about LGBT people or issues in the news, or call people homophobic slurs as insults. Threaten to hurt you if they found out you’re a lesbian. Support you financially or physically. For example, if you live with your parents and you think they might react badly, you may not want to tell them until you’re able to move out. Might really affect you if they react badly. Think about how you’d feel if the person responded negatively. If you don’t think you’d be able to handle it emotionally, consider not telling them for now.

Don’t feel pressured by other people’s experiences or relationships. Only you know when you’re ready to start dating.

Talking to friends and family might feel awkward, but they know you better than anyone! They’ll know if a potential date is a good match or not, even better than an app or website. Try dating apps and sites like Lesly, Plenty of Fish, and Fem. [13] X Research source

See if you feel a spark or just enjoy being around her. When you feel ready, see if she’d like to get dinner, see a movie, or do something fun together.

You could say something like, “I was wondering if you’re out to your friends and family. I am, but it’s OK if you’re not. ”

If you decide to get intimate, be open about what feels good and ask her what she likes, too. Remember to use safe sex practices, like female condoms or dental dams.

You don’t need to change who you are or what you do once you’ve identified as a lesbian. Be yourself, whether you’re on a date or not.