Find places where you’re likely to run into like-minded people. Love comics? Quit buying them online and hit up your local comic shop. Love to make art? Head to an art class, craft store or the museum. Take a class in one of your interests and talk some with others learning the same topic or skill. Get in a choir or take music lessons. Some churches have music school and sport activities. Online friends exist in a gray area. They’re “real” a lot of the time, but our interactions online are much different than our up close, mano-a-mano interactions. Try to balance your time socializing online with at least as much, if not more, face-to-face interactions.
If you’re good at something, offer up your help to those who may need it. When asked for, give your opinion or assistance. Don’t go looking for trouble; let it come to you (and try to stay out of it).
Mirror the behavior of others, if it makes you comfortable. When you’re in the library and everyone looks very studious, quiet, and absorbed in their work, it’s probably not the best time to start cutting up and trying to make jokes. If everyone’s dancing at a school dance, it might be normal to dance, but you don’t have to. It’s normal to feel both ways. If your neighbor at the lunch table keeps trying to make eye contact and smiles continuously at you, it’s probably a good time for a conversation, if you feel open. Try being friendly. Available communicating people often have open posture – shoulders back, head up, not too relaxed. Relaxing but not acting open may be about, instead, acting tired, sleepy, angry, shy or grumpy. Arms and legs crossed may be a sign that they are satisfied to sit alone, not looking to be friendly. Learn to recognize and not act that way in your own interactions. If people are uncommunicative or closed off to you – head down, arms crossed – they probably don’t want to talk. If you press the issue, it’s possible that you might make them feel uncomfortable. Learn to recognize this and disengage from the conversation or interaction. Give them some space.
Stay on topic. If everyone in a group is going around telling stories about their weekend, tell a story about your weekend, if you have one. It would be kind of strange to break the spirit of the moment: “I had to watch my dad eat pickled herring. He eats weird stuff all the time. " Hopefully, that’s not really about your weekend! Don’t hijack a conversation and take it elsewhere, or else, expect groans and protests at your [sense of humor] breaking the line of thought - unless it’s time to change the topic! Listening doesn’t mean looking across the room or thinking of what you’re going to say until a moment of silence appears in a conversation for you to fill. However, listening means actively receiving and responding to what the other is saying nicely, not just trying to think of what you’re going to say next to top that bit. Accept the others’ points as worthwhile - even if you’ve heard it already. Then without a yawn or cut-down say, “Hey, yeah, [excellent point/that’s true] - but have you ever [been to/done this] ___. . . “[3] X Research source
The closer you set your daily life boundaries to your present norms and accepted “truths”(where you’re coming from), the sooner you can be well adjusted in your way. You’ll be able to avoid other way-out freaky or boring stuff and be able to expand and extend your near-boundaries, launching out near your everyday “unusual-stuff”. “Keep it real! Keep it simple!” is easier than going off track or out into the far off unknown. Wanting to fit in is normal, and it’s true that engaging in risky behaviors seems like a way to fit in and get people to “respect” you, but why would you compromise your personality and beliefs? If you’re not being yourself, it’s not you they’re respecting, or even noticing. Keep it cool: Another good boundary to keep in mind is secrecy. It’s okay to keep some things to yourself. It’s almost too easy to put every event, success and failure, every frustration, anger and joy, up on Facebook as a status update. Does it all really need to be there for everyone to see and “dis” you? You give the answer.
If you don’t have your own room, find somewhere you feel comfortable that you can spend time in. Take a walk out into the yard or the woods; find a great sitting park bench, or find a table by a window that you love at the library, or spend time in a friend’s basement den. Try to find somewhere quiet and available to you where you can find peace.
Skinny jeans and crop tops may be in, but just because they’re popular or “normal” doesn’t mean they’re necessarily right for your body type. Wear clothes that will flatter your figure and feel comfortable, not something that will leave you feeling unconfident or exposed. Don’t be a wannabe. Don’t be afraid to have your own style. If you think throwback basketball jerseys and athletic shorts are cool, you’re in good company. If you think rugby shirts and khaki pants look good, you’re in safe waters. The important normal constant is that whatever you wear is clean and form-fitting. [4] X Research source
You don’t have to go to expensive stores to dress normally. Box stores like Target, Walmart, and other outlets usually have sale items that are affordable and current. At thrift stores, try to find the newest cleanest clothes available that are in your size. In middle school especially, it can seem that all anyone cares about is getting the next “must have” clothes trend which are usually expensive and will be forgotten in another six months anyway.
Brush your teeth and floss. Your smile will be friendly and picture-ready with proper dental care. Having healthy teeth can up your confidence significantly. Take a shower at least every other day, and every day that you exercise. Wash your hair with shampoo and clean your body with soap. Keep your nails neatly clipped and clean. Normal girls and boys also enjoy painting fingernails sometimes, which is perfectly appropriate if you want. try to keep the paint fresh, and remove it when it starts becoming chipped. Talk to your parents about when it’s appropriate to start wearing make-up, if you want to. Use a small amount of natural coloring to highlight your beauty, if you choose to.
If you use products, don’t go overboard. A little mousse, gel, or hairspray can go a long way. You don’t want a crispy frosted flat-top like it’s 1996. Aim for a natural look that highlights your normal hair. Experiment with new haircuts, going for a buzz or growing it out like a rocker if you want. Being a teenager is the one time you can experiment with your personality and your identity.
Pay attention to what and how much you’re eating. Most teenagers have crazy-high metabolisms due to growth spurts, meaning that you’ll be able to eat lots and lots of high-calorie food without gaining extra weight, especially if you’re physically active and play sports. When that high metabolism ends, though, or you stop playing sports, it’s possible to suddenly gain lots of weight. It’s important to develop a love of physical activity early on, so you can build the good habits that will keep you healthy in the long run. [6] X Research source You don’t have to be “one of the jocks” to enjoy exercise. If you love basketball but don’t want to play on the team, go to the park and shoot hoops. Who cares if you miss more than you make? If you don’t love playing any competitive sports, try out hiking around the woods and getting into nature, or see if you don’t enjoy rock climbing or other solo adventures.
Many teenagers take sports very seriously. Find out what team sports are offered at your school and consider trying out for the team. If you don’t like any of the sports offered, tennis lessons, golf lessons, or other individualized sports might be more appropriate for you. Heck, check out learning how to fence. Check out clubs at school. Sports aren’t even close to being the only way to socialize at school. Foreign language clubs, chess clubs, art clubs, ecology clubs, and all sorts of organizations are available to students for fun and learning outside of school. If you don’t like any of the clubs at your school, check out after-school programs at the YMCA, or other youth center in your town, or check out a youth group at a church. [7] X Research source Try playing music. Whether in marching band, concert band or by starting your own garage band, music can be a great outlet for teenagers. Studies show that teens who study music learn more efficiently and have a great amount of fun and camaraderie playing.
Mission trips and exchange programs can be excellent and effective experiences for many teenagers if such opportunities are available. Likewise, getting a part-time job and learning to work for your keep is an important growing-up step that you can learn in the summer time, or on the weekends after school. Read as much as you can, about as much diverse topics that you can. Travel from the comfort of a chair by checking out novels, travelogues, sci-fi, fantasy, whatever you like reading. Read some things that are challenging and some things that are easy. Read all the time. Read everything.
Try out being an art kid. Take some art classes and learn the fundamentals to see you if you’d like to spend your days in the studio, creating strange masterpieces. Try out the exciting world of mystery. Lots of teenagers take solace in the dark clothes and powerful vibes of a mysterious person. While it might seem “weird,” it’s pretty normal. Embrace your inner athlete. Jocks don’t have to be the villains from high school drama movies. Be a well-adjusted athlete who takes sporting seriously. Make it your “thing. "
Emphasize forging a few strong relationships over lots of meaningless ones. It’s not worth having 800 Facebook friends if you can’t talk to any of them in real life. Alternatively, it’s also a good idea to meet lots of people who you don’t necessarily have a lot in common with. If you’re a sporty athlete, hang out with some of the art kids every now and then to see what you have in common. try to make all sorts of different friends.
Make sure you take excellent notes. Notes force you to pay attention, improve your memory and provide you with a helpful study guide. Do your homework. Don’t slack off on it, because believe it or not, it really does help you learn. Pay attention in class and ask questions to stay engaged. Respect your teachers and try to make the best of it.
If you want to go to college, start researching affordable places you might attend that seem to be full of people like you, or places that offer the kinds of specialties you’d like to study. Many teens who struggle to make friends or fit in during high school really come into stride during college. It’s also normal and perfectly fine to have no idea what you want to do with your life. Don’t worry about it too much. That’s perfectly normal. When people ask, tell them that you’re just trying to get through your teens first.
