In art class, you could say, “Hey Ari, your drawing looks really pretty!” or “Emily, it was really nice of you to share your scissors with me today. Thanks!” After math class, let a classmate know you appreciated their help by saying “Mandy, I’m so glad you asked the teacher that question today. I was confused about that too!”
Try saying, “Hi, I don’t think we’ve met before. I’m Rachel, what’s your name?” or “Hi, I’m Rachel. Were you in Mrs. Colt’s class last year?” Continue your conversation by asking the other person more questions about themselves. Show that you’re genuinely interested and try to get to know them a little bit better. [4] X Expert Source Katie StyzekProfessional School Counselor Expert Interview. 26 March 2021. You can compliment someone by noticing something good that they’re doing and praising it. For example, you could say, “Lola, you were an amazing team captain in gym class today!” If you’re nervous about talking to kids you don’t know, practice with a trusted adult at home first. [5] X Trustworthy Source Understood Nonprofit organization dedicated to resources and support to people with thinking differences, such as ADHD or dyslexia Go to source
If you’re interested in volunteering, ask your parents to help you find a local organization you could help. See if you could volunteer at your church or local library. Maybe there’s a park clean-up group or food pantry you could volunteer with. [7] X Expert Source Katie StyzekProfessional School Counselor Expert Interview. 26 March 2021. Music, photography, and anime clubs are all possible options for you to join. [8] X Expert Source Katie StyzekProfessional School Counselor Expert Interview. 26 March 2021. When you show up for your group meetings, introduce yourself and be friendly to everyone you meet. If you do things you like outside of school, you’ll have plenty to talk about with your classmates. You could even invite a friend to join you sometime.
If you’re just a little nervous, don’t automatically say “no. ” They might not ask you again because they’ll be worried about another rejection. [10] X Research source If the event is outside of school, ask your parents’ permission to go before confirming with your classmate. It’s okay to say “no” if you’re not able to go. But let the person know you appreciate the offer and would still like to be friends. But if someone makes you uncomfortable, it’s ok to say “no. ” Talk with a parent or guardian if you’re uncomfortable about a person’s behavior or something they asked you to do.
Loyalty is really important in establishing good friendships. Be a loyal friend to others and they’ll eventually do the same for you. [11] X Research source Don’t cancel your plans at the last minute for no good reason. People get bored and tired of friends who never show up and never follow through. [12] X Research source If you’re feeling down but you’re supposed to go to a friend’s birthday party in an hour, it would be easy to stay home, but your friend will be really disappointed. Instead, try to cheer yourself up and go to the party. You’ll probably have lots of fun!
While you’re at school, invite other kids to hang out with you. If your classmate is into soccer, ask them if they’d like to kick a soccer ball around with you during recess. You can even invite others to play with you outside of school. If your new friend likes baking, ask your parents if you can invite your friend to come over and make cookies with you. If someone turns down your invitation, don’t take it personally. Their decision to say “no” probably has nothing to do with you and more to do with something else that’s going on in their life.
Social climbing involves ranking other kids and trying to climb up the ladder to join a group of kids you think are more popular than you. [15] X Research source Don’t try to hang out with a cool girl at your school just because she seems cool. Instead, show that you’re interested in her as a person. Ask her questions about herself and see if you have anything in common. If you decide you don’t really get along after all, don’t pretend that you do. When you make new friends, don’t assume your old friends are beneath you or treat them badly. [16] X Research source If you agreed to sit with your old friend on the bus, keep your promise. Don’t just ditch them by sitting with your new friend on the bus.
Try asking questions like these: “What topic did you pick for the science project?” “What did you do over the weekend?” “Which TV shows do you like to watch?” Avoid interrupting your friend. This can seem rude and annoying. Even if you’re talking with a classmate you don’t know very well, open your mind and listen closely. You might just find that you have a lot in common!
A clique is a group of friends who purposely leave other kids out. Cliques look cool in some movies, books, and TV shows. While these stories are entertaining, they aren’t good examples of how to behave.
Empathy means putting yourself in the other person’s shoes so you can understand what they might be feeling. If word gets around about your trash-talking, your other friends will feel betrayed and won’t feel comfortable around you anymore. [21] X Research source Here’s how you could change the subject: “Hey Kelly, I get that you might not like Lucy’s outfit today, but I think Lucy is really sweet. Let’s try not to be mean, ok? But speaking of clothes, what are you planning to wear for the music class recital next week?”
Bullies might seem powerful but they aren’t popular or well-liked. [22] X Research source Avoid using stereotypes to come up with mean things to say. You’ll miss out on a lot of possible friendships. [23] X Research source
Instead of wondering, “Does this top make me look good?” think, “Do I feel good when I wear this top?” Confident, comfortable people are easy and fun to be around. If you’re uncomfortable or insecure about your clothes, your negative energy will show and other people will start to feel awkward around you. If you wear a school uniform, stick to the guidelines and take care of your uniform. Try expressing your personality by doing your hair how you like, if that’s allowed at your school. Have fun expressing yourself through clothes after school and on the weekends.
Don’t worry about wearing makeup. A little lip balm or lip gloss is all you need. Ask your parent or guardian to teach you how to do the laundry. They will appreciate the help and you’ll have clean clothes whenever you want them.
When you’re around older or younger kids, be just as friendly to them as you are to people your own age. If you change who you are when you find a new group of friends, your old friends will feel left out and sad. They might not like the new person you’ve become and you’ll risk losing their friendship. If you’re always true to yourself, you’ll be able to form real friendships and people in school will get to know the real you.
If you slack off in school, talk badly about your teacher, or complain about hating your classes, some of your classmates might be put off. Work as hard as you can in school. Not only will your skills improve but your classmates will admire you for your willingness to try new things. Stay organized by writing all of your assignments, extra-curricular activities, and social outings in a calendar. [26] X Expert Source Katie StyzekProfessional School Counselor Expert Interview. 26 March 2021.
If you’re worried you aren’t popular enough, think carefully about what the word “popular” means to you and talk about this with your trusted adult. You’ll probably realize it has less to do with your friendships and more to do with your self-esteem. For instance, you might be jealous of another kid’s clothing and lifestyle, or a clique at your school might make you feel bad about yourself, and you think being popular would erase those yucky feelings. These problems can be solved in other ways.
