For example, be more vocal about what you want for dinner when you go out. Don’t always let your partner choose and go along with what they have to say. Instead, suggest a different type of food that you would like instead in a calm and positive manner.
To build up your belief in yourself, expand in all aspects of your life. When you have an opinion about something or a feeling about a situation, tell yourself that it is valid. Whether or not you express it at first, tell yourself your thoughts and feelings are valid every time they come up. Eventually, you will believe they are valid and you will feel more confident expressing them. When you have concerns or want to express feelings about your relationship, give yourself a pep talk before you do it. Tell yourself, “My opinion is valid. If my partner loves me, then my opinion will not change that. " If your partner cannot handle you having an opinion or feeling about your relationship, your relationship dynamic needs to be reassessed to put you and your partner on a more level playing field. Make sure you are not passive, aggressive, or passive aggressive when you discuss your feelings with your partner. Express what you are feeling in a way that is firm but also positive and not accusatory.
If you find it hard at first, try taking a deep breath. Visualize yourself breathing in peace, calm, and strength and then breathing out guilt, shame, or anxiety. For example, the first time you tell your partner that you don’t like a common activity that you used to do a lot but didn’t like, such as fishing, you may feel residual guilt. However, the guilt will pass and your opinion on the matter is valid. Now that you have expressed yourself to your partner, you two can begin doing things you both enjoy and your partner can go fishing with friends or alone.
For example, instead of telling your partner, “You are selfish and dismissive. ”, say “I could really use some help around the house/apartment and with taking care of the dogs. I’ve tried to tell you in the past but I feel like you are pushing me aside. ” This last statement asserts the same point as the first one, but it is much more positive and calm.
This means that you don’t have to be right or express your every thought all the time, especially if the situation is not going to harm or help your relationship either way. For example, if you and your partner differ in opinion about politics or a sports team, you don’t have to make your partner like or identify with the same person or team. Agree that you have a difference in opinion and don’t let it harm your relationship by being angry about it or assertive to the point of arguing. This is the same you expect of your partner, so it is only fair to do the same. By being assertive more often, you will learn more about what you want and expect from your partner. This way, you will know when you are comfortable staying quiet or compromising and when you are not. [2] X Research source
When you feel yourself get too emotional, take a few deep breaths and think about removing your emotions from the situation. If this doesn’t work, take a break from the conversation or wait until you have reined in your emotions before talking to your partner. This will keep you from saying things you don’t mean or hurting your partner’s feelings. [3] X Research source
For example, if you friend wants to go see a movie that you really don’t want to see, calmly tell them, “No, I don’t want to see this movie. ” You can even suggest a different option or another activity in its place. This way, you would be able to spend time together but do something that everyone wants to do.
Avoid being overly harsh, accusatory, or vague about what you want. For example, instead of saying “Wouldn’t you rather go somewhere more fun?”, tell your friend “I would like to go to this pub that has trivia. ”[6] X Research source
These differences are what make your friendship interesting and fun. Just don’t let them get in the way of your friendship. Approach the situation with the idea that it is okay to agree to disagree, but that expressing your opinion is very valid. The same is true for your friend’s opinion, as long as you both express these opinions in a calm, positive, and assertive manner. [7] X Research source For example, if you find yourself in a particular situation where you and your friend do not agree, tell your friend, “I respect your opinion, although it differs from mine. Let’s just agree to disagree and continue with our day. "
Try making a list of the qualities you see in the perfect friend. Then think about each one and how much those things would mean to you as part of your friendship. This will help you understand your expectations of your friendships and know how to ask for these things from your friends. The more you understand about what you expect from a friend, the more you can communicate this to them in a calm, positive manner. This will help your friendship improve once you and your friends are on the same page. [9] X Research source
For example, if you are upset about a performance review, approach your boss or supervisor with a calm and level head. Think about what you want to address about the review ahead of time and express your concerns in a positive, relaxed manner. Your boss will be more likely to take you seriously if you don’t accuse or act out. Start the exchange with phrases such as, “I would like to discuss my recent review with you. I feel there are some inconsistencies and I would like to address them. " Avoid yelling, showing anger, or avoiding the situation. Being overly aggressive will not make your boss take you seriously and avoiding the situation by calling out from work will only reflect negatively on you. [10] X Research source Look your boss or supervisor in the eye when you approach him/her, avoid crossing your arms or taking a defensive position, don’t raise your voice, and avoid fidgeting when you discuss the situation.
During a meeting, if you have a great idea for your boss about a future project you’d like to initiate or a story you would like to write, speak up in a positive, calm manner. Have faith in your ideas and capabilities. Just make sure your ideas are fully thought out and prepared. [11] X Research source
This means really listening to your coworkers and trying to understand where your coworker is coming from. Once you do this, you can make an informed decision about what your own opinions about a situation.
For example, don’t tell a coworker, “What if we changed distributors or vendors to save money on office supplies?” Instead, say “I believe we should change vendors to save money on office supplies. ”[12] X Research source
For example, go into your next meeting with great ideas that you say in a calm, even tone with an air of confidence and a positive or neutral facial expression. Your boss and coworkers will be more likely to take you seriously. [13] X Research source
For example, if you are working on a project with some coworkers and you have a great idea for the project, you should suggest your idea in a positive, calm manner. Don’t overthink it and stress yourself out. [14] X Research source
Try to have specific examples of the unfair treatment or abuse. This will make your case more solid and grounded in real life examples. Try to avoid screaming or acting irrationally in the face of these acts. This will only make you look bad. Always approach situations as assertive instead of aggressive. [15] X Research source
