Be crystal clear when you make the break: “I’ve realized that this relationship is harmful to me, and I have decided that we cannot be together any longer. This is non-negotiable. ” Cutting ties in this fashion is a harsh and challenging measure, so save it for instances in which a relationship is clearly detrimental and irreparable.
Explain the change once and only once: “I don’t want us to have any contact unless it is absolutely necessary. ” You must view each and every attempt at reconciliation as the other person’s desire to put you back into a position to hurt you again.
Or, pretend not to notice or hear them at all. Use these tactics when dealing with a co-worker or classmate, for instance.
Don’t get dragged into discussions about how you’re going to move on, what you’re planning to do next, and so forth. Become a complete mystery to them. You’ve already expressed your decision to them. You don’t owe them anything more than that, no matter what they say.
Even if you did have some good times, your memories of these must be sacrificed in order to make the clean break from this person. Perhaps in the future, after you’ve entered into a healthy relationship, you’ll be able to safely recall some of those “good times. "
For instance, before any instance when you might run into the other person, remind yourself that you’ve built a successful business from the ground up, that you’ve secured your financial future, or that you’ve earned the respect of those around you.
Write down a detailed list of all the ways the person hurt your or let you down, and refer to it whenever necessary. Or, if it helps, stick their picture on your dart board or punching bag and go at it.
If certain activities or hobbies remind you too much of the person you’ve turned cold hearted towards, stop doing those things at least temporarily. Or, change the conditions — join a new gym, take an art class instead of a cooking class, etc.
Don’t let your cold heartedness extend to them. Show them the loving warmth they deserve!
Physical health — exercising regularly, getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet. Emotional care — meditation, prayer, yoga, tai chi, relaxation exercises, and so on. Spending time with supportive friends and family. Doing things you enjoy — going to the movies, getting outdoors, traveling, etc.
Get referrals from your doctor or friends and family for licensed therapists in your area. Working with a therapist may reveal that trying to be temporarily “cold hearted” is not the best approach for you. The important thing is to find out what works best for you.
People who are naturally cold hearted often have an “avoidant attachment pattern” that developed during their infancy. Therefore, being temporarily cold hearted for a specific purpose need not turn you that way permanently. [11] X Research source However, if your cold hearted turn is successful, you may be tempted to use it more often or more widely. If so, remember that cutting yourself off from the world will cause you more pain than it prevents.
