Does not maintain steady contact. Your friend may only occasionally keep in contact with you. Prefers casual friendship. If your friend keeps most discussions on the surface, he may want a more casual friendship than you do. Does not share personal information. Your friend may be unwilling to share or is secretive about themselves.
If you are contacting your friend more often than they contact you, they may be emotionally unavailable or dealing with a stressful time. It is also possible that your friend is a bit more of a loner than you are, and doesn’t feel the need to spend as much time with others. This isn’t necessarily something you should take personally.
Think about how much you share with your friend. Try to make it pretty even.
Understand if your friend’s emotionally unavailability is temporary or permanent. She may be going through a difficult time or be depressed. Talk to her to see if anything’s going on. If not, she may be unavailable on a more permanent basis. [2] X Research source If your friend is prone to anger, is arrogant, or evasive when you talk to her, she may not be open to an emotionally supportive relationship. [3] X Research source
Don’t put up with someone lying to you. You deserve to have a fair and honest friendship. Know that emotionally unavailable people may be lying because they are scared of being too open or sharing too much.
Look at your friend’s closest friends. If he does not have a many close friends, this may tell you something about his ability to connect with others. Know your friend’s significant other or past romantic relationships. Emotionally unavailable people may have formed only basic bonds with others. Consider whether he has had few romantic relationships or if those relationships ended poorly. See how your friend thinks about or acts towards himself. He may be arrogant or evasive, but this may hide self-esteem problems. [6] X Research source
Try to communicate directly with your friend about problems in your friendship. Be clear and direct when talking to her. Don’t assume she knows what you’re thinking. She may not even realize there is a problem. Talk to your friend about your needs. She may not realize she has not been a good friend to you. [7] X Research source
If he is defensive or evasive, this may mean he is not ready for the same type of friendship that you want.
Do not give too much to someone in order to get something back. This can cause you to become resentful. Adjust your expectations. Just because your friendship is different than what you would like does not mean you cannot be friends at all.
Keep up your end of the friendship and make sure your friend does too. Let him reach out to you. Some friends may take longer than others to adjust to a more open relationship. Don’t smother him with your expectations, but give him space to come to you. Don’t be resentful if he doesn’t contact you immediately. It’s important to be open and friendly regardless. You may scare him off otherwise.
Know that not every friend is going to be a lifelong or best friend. Make plans with other friends. Don’t put your life on hold for your emotionally unavailable friend. Go and have fun with other people in your life. [8] X Research source Enjoy the time you have with your friend. Even if she cannot offer the same type of friendship, try to have fun when you are around each other. Check with your friend, but don’t obsess over her. Make sure you are there for your friend if she needs it. Don’t spend too much time thinking about your friendship if it upsets you unnecessarily.
Think about what’s going on in his life and how you may be able to help him overcome it. [9] X Research source Don’t play counselor, but do listen and share with your friend. He may just need someone to talk to. [10] X Research source
Do not judge. It’s okay for her to go through a difficult time. [11] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source Encourage your friend to seek help from a doctor or a mental health professional. She can get help or treatment that can be beneficial to her well-being.
Don’t be overwhelmed by your friend’s needs. Set limits or boundaries on what you’ll tolerate and the time you spend with them if your friend is mistreating you. [12] X Research source Recognize the signs of an abusive friendship. An emotionally abusive relationship may involve name-calling, constant criticism, threatening you, making you feel guilty or as though you are doing something wrong, embarrassing you on purpose.
Don’t stick around if you feel unsafe. Find someone who can help you or your friend.
Tell your friend’s family or another trusted adult or mental health or medical professional immediately. [13] X Trustworthy Source National Institute of Mental Health Informational website from U. S. government focused on the understanding and treatment of mental illness. Go to source Call a community police officer or crisis center if anything gets out of hand or seems dangerous to you or your friend. [14] X Trustworthy Source National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Suicide prevention network operating a toll-free 24/7 hotline for anyone experiencing suicidal thoughts or emotional distress Go to source
Join a support group, see a therapist, and do good things for yourself. Talk to your other friends. They may be able to help you through this difficult time.
Know that those memories are still important and valuable, even if your friendship is over. Don’t cut all ties. Maybe your friend will grow and change. Keep an open mind about being their friend again in the future.
