Consider your parent’s hobbies. Find one that interests you and start doing it together. For example, if your dad likes fishing, you might purchase a fishing rod to join him.
Start sharing more of your thoughts and opinions with your parent. For example, you might tell a story that you’ve never shared or ask their opinion on a political or philosophical position. [4] X Research source
Try to really understand what your parent is trying to say when they speak. Paraphrase, validate their emotional experience and ask clarifying questions to be sure you get the right message.
Are you unsure of what advice you could offer them? Millennials can help their parents learn to navigate new technologies and even introduce single parents to online dating. In a similar vein, reach out to your parent when you need guidance. Let them know that you don’t want them to fix your problem for you, but you would like some suggestions.
For instance, if you were disagreeing with a normal friend, you might say, “No, you’re wrong. ” With a parent, it may be more productive to say something like, “I disagree, Dad” to express your opinion respectfully. In a disagreement with a parent, use a neutral tone of voice as opposed to yelling, and get some distance if you become upset. [8] X Research source
You might ask questions like “So, Dad, what was it like for you growing up?” or “How was work today, Mom?” You might also connect with them by sharing an interest, such as watching the same TV show or going to sporting events together. [9] X Research source
Next time your parent is doing a task like picking up leaves in the yard, offer to help out so you can spend time with them. Create opportunities for quality time by making plans with your parents. For example, you might say, “Hey, Mom, want to go for a walk with me?” Use your time together to chat or have a heart-to-heart talk.
Show warmth in the way you greet and interact with your parent, regardless if that means a slap on the back or a hug and kiss. Showing affection may also mean cheering them up when they’re down, or regularly saying “I love you!”
If you don’t have enough money to buy a gift, make something by hand, or surprise them by cooking a meal or fixing something around the house. Most parents will be thrilled by the thoughtful gesture!
As you grow older, you may notice the relationship changing into one more similar to a real friendship. But, don’t expect this when you’re young.
Sit down and have a discussion with your parent about boundaries. Share yours, and listen to theirs. For example, if you’re an adult, you might express a boundary for your parent to call before visiting your home. Parents of adult children sometimes get pushy or over-involved out of good intentions. If your parent is overstepping their boundaries or behaving in a way that bothers you, respectfully let them know.
For example, although you might share secrets with your parent, they may not confide in you about everything. This is appropriate since confiding in children often leads to undue stress. [15] X Research source Also, unlike other friends, your parent may sometimes pull rank by telling you a decision or behavior is unacceptable, even when you become an adult.
To prevent children and parents from becoming enmeshed, each should maintain their own separate social lives and interests. You may be in an enmeshed relationship if you find yourself neglecting other relationships, or if your mood and self-esteem are strongly dependent on your relationship with your parents. If you feel you are in an enmeshed relationship with your parents, practice spending time alone and building up relationships with others. If you’re really struggling, consider seeing a counselor.
