Take time each day to figure out what you are thankful for. Try writing a few things you are grateful for each day in a journal. You can also use posts on social media for this purpose. Usually, even if the situation is bad, you can find something to be grateful about. For instance, you may not like how you are being treated in the relationship you are in, but you may be grateful to have financial stability in your life at the moment. Alternatively, maybe you’re grateful that the other person in the relationship remains a good parent to your kids.
Choose an activity that challenges you a little bit, but that is still familiar so that you can lose yourself in it. For example, if you enjoy painting landscapes, then you might try painting a new subject such as a portrait or a basket of fruit.
For example, if you tend to fight over politics, then you might want to make politics an off-limits topic. Or, if you often fight about what movie you are going to watch on Friday nights, then you might want to take turns choosing the movie.
Consider exploring interests at the library, joining local hobby clubs or cookery classes, or taking a vocational class at a nearby community college.
Try to find an organization that you would like to contribute to, such as an animal shelter or a food bank, and apply to become a volunteer. You might even ask your spouse if he or she would like to volunteer with you and it might be a good bonding activity for the two of you.
Try to go out to dinner with friends one night per week or get together with a sibling or cousin for a day of shopping or an activity session such as tennis or swimming. If you don’t have a lot of friends, then try to meet more people who share your interests. For example, you could join a bowling league, take an art class, or find a choir or band who need new members.
For instance, it may drive you crazy when your spouse wants to drop everything and drive to the mountains. On the other hand, it keeps your life from getting too boring. Try to strike a balance, and enjoy what you can.
Try to pick a time to talk about your strengths and difficulties when you are both feeling calm and focused. Avoid talking at the end of a long day or at other stressful times. [10] X Research source Use “I” statements rather than “You” statements. In other words, try to talk about what you’re feeling and what you think is wrong without blaming the other person. For instance, saying “I get upset when we don’t spend enough time together” is better than “You’re never around. " The second statement puts your spouse on guard, while the first helps open discussion. Spend time talking and listening. That is, you can’t just lay out what you think is wrong. You also need to spend time actively listening to what your spouse has to say. Show you’re engaged by offering short summaries of what he or she has said and by asking questions that are relevant to the conversation. [11] X Research source
To compromise, you must talk about your wants and needs, helping you both to decide what’s most important to each of you. [12] X Research source In other words, to make a compromise, you must be willing to let the other person win when it comes to their needs, giving ground when it comes in conflict with your wants. The same must be true of the other person.
Understand an unhappy marriage can lead to depression. One study, which involved data from 5,000 adults, showed that the quality of your most important relationship is a good predictor of developing depression. Meaning, if one of your closest relationships, including your spousal one, is in bad repair, it puts you at risk for developing depression. [15] X Research source
You might consider a divorce if your spouse had an affair. While some couples overcome infidelity, others never recover from it. If you find that you can’t forgive your spouse for what he or she did even after months or years, you may want to consider a divorce. [17] X Research source You’ve grown in different ways. Sometimes, when you grow into full-fledged adults together, you take different directions. If you find you and your spouse can’t agree on much of anything anymore because you are just too different, it may be best to divorce. [18] X Research source Your partner is bad at finances and won’t change. Of course, everyone makes bad money choices sometimes. However, if your partner is so bad that it is causing stress on your marriage or is bankrupting your family, you may need to get out of the marriage, especially if you’ve expressed concern but your spouse is unwilling to change. [19] X Research source Think about the kids. Many unhappily married couples stay together for the kids. Divorce is hard on kids, but it’s also true that being unhappily married can be hard on your kids, as well. Your kids know you’re unhappy, and if you’re constantly fighting, you’re putting stress on them, anyway. [20] X Research source
