Take a deep breath and slowly exhale. Wait before speaking or moving—consider counting to ten. Say your own name, aloud or in your head. [2] X Research source If your name is Sean, you might say “Sean, calm down. "
For instance, say your team is planning an outdoor picnic for work and everyone is assuming that the team’s only female member will do all the event planning, even though she did it last time. Calm down, then think “I need to intervene before Sarah gets stuck doing all the work. I also need to not offend my coworkers, who tend to retaliate when they are called out for sexism. I can start by volunteering myself, and then try to get others to volunteer for tasks. "
If you are the person most capable of leading others through a situation, speak up. Assert your authority. Speak audibly and clearly, and explain why you are the person who can best handle the situation. You might say, “I would be happy to oversee the planning of this event. I worked for an event planner for two years and I learned the basics. I also know this area well. " Delegate. Ask others to take on tasks that they are well equipped to handle. For instance, if Andre knows the most about local restaurants, ask him to arrange the catering. If you are in a shared situation and do not believe you are the one who can best lead others through it, call on the person you think is most capable.
Get into the habit of writing through your feelings in a journal. You can analyze what is leading to what feeling, and you can also make a log to keep track of triggers. [5] X Trustworthy Source University of Rochester Medical Center Leading academic medical center in the U. S. focused on clinical care and research Go to source If you know what your triggers are for specific emotions, then you can do things to limit or avoid your triggers. Suppressing your feelings can give you health problems like insomnia, chronic pain, and heart disease. [6] X Trustworthy Source Greater Good Magazine Journal published by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living Go to source
When the feeling or thought is triggered, greet it by name. “Oh, it’s the got-cut-off-in-traffic-feeling again. " This will help you take some distance and prevent the bad thought from taking over.
If you want, contact people you are still in touch with and let them know that you have let go of your anger. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you condone bad acts—it just means that you release the negative feelings associated with those acts.
If you have anger issues, consider taking anger management classes or joining an anger management group.
If you are having trouble, try freewriting. Set a timer and write quickly without stopping. Pull things from your freewrite to make your list. Be honest, and be specific. For instance, if you are writing about things that make you feel bad and you write about something in your relationship, even if you are generally happy with your relationship, put that thing on the list. If you are still having trouble taking stock of what is wrong, then talking about it with someone you trust can also be helpful. Someone who knows you well may be able to offer valuable insight that you might not consider.
Go over the list of things that make you feel out of control. For everything that is truly bothering you, make a goal to fix it.
