If you do like those things, great! Just don’t feel like you have to exhibit any interests that you don’t actually have. If you pretend to be someone you’re not, you’re not going to enjoy the friendship very much.
This doesn’t have to be complicated. For example, you might mention that you just tried a great new Thai place. That could lead to a conversation about the other person’s planned trip to Thailand or recommendations for another restaurant. Be willing to let the conversation flow naturally. Ask questions to show you are interested in their likes. You could say, “That’s a cool Colts jersey. I don’t know a ton about Indianapolis. Are you from there?"
When you’re getting to know each other, it’s normal to ask if the other person is in a relationship. You can share your status, too. You can also casually drop the information into the conversation. Say something like, “My boyfriend and I just finished that new documentary on Netflix. Have you seen it?”
If you’re not sure what you want, that’s okay, too. You can start by hanging out and see what kind of friendship naturally develops.
You can kindly say, “It’s really important to me to be comfortable in my friendships. It doesn’t seem like we’re on the same page, so we’re probably better off just staying friendly acquaintances. ”
You can also do this without drawing attention to your feelings. Whenever you invite your new friend to do something, just make sure that other people will be there, too.
It’s definitely okay for there to be some physical contact. It’s appropriate to offer someone a hug if you are congratulating them or consoling them, for example. When you go out together, be sure to split the tab evenly. [10] X Expert Source Jan & Jillian YuhasRelationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists Expert Interview. 19 August 2021. Always decline any romantic gestures that they offer. [11] X Expert Source Jan & Jillian YuhasRelationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.
Once you have a more established friendship, you can both decide if this is a boundary that can change. Your friendship can grow and develop in any way that works for both of you.
If your partner (or your friend’s partner) makes seemingly unreasonable demands, you can object. For example, if they try to stipulate that you can’t hang out anymore, try to find a compromise that makes everyone happy. Take some time to do a little self-reflection. Ask yourself if there is any legitimate reason that someone would think that you and your friend might be or might become more than friends. If you are in a relationship and your partner tries to unreasonably restrict your friendships, it might be time to reevaluate your relationship. No one has the right to control you.
This might feel a little awkward at first, but it will help you make sure that the friendship doesn’t now contain a one-sided attraction.
You can also express gratitude. Let your friend know that you are thankful for them. Try saying, “I really appreciate that you always make time to hang out with me. It means a lot. ”
If your friend shares similar things with you, keep their confidence. Don’t share your conversations with others, and don’t ever gossip about your friend. This will show them they can depend on you.
Ask follow-up questions to demonstrate that you care. You can say, “I heard you say that you’re really frustrated with your roommate. Can you tell me a little bit more about why you’re so upset?”
If you can’t meet up, try Facetiming. That’s a great way to “hang out” when your schedule is making actual face-to-face time impossible. If you really are pressed for time, just explain that to your friend. You can say, “I realize I haven’t had much time to spend with you lately. I’m really sorry. I promise that as soon as I finish this big project, we can go on that hike you’ve been talking about. ”
