Meet a variety of people through different networks, such as the school newspaper, the tennis team, or a youth group, and learn how to hang out with people with different interests and backgrounds. If you don’t feel like you thrive in a group environment, invite a friend or an acquaintance for coffee or a small outing first. Getting to know people on an individual level can help you build the confidence to hang out in a group setting. Don’t be silent. You can still not be putting yourself out there even if you’re in a room full of people. Though you don’t have to try to be the belle of the ball, if you’re the shy sort of awkward, then make it a goal to speak up a bit more and to make your presence known so you’re more comfortable with people reacting to you.
The next time you talk to someone, tell yourself that you’re taking a risk and being dynamic, and that it’s better to get the reaction you want than to do nothing. People can also tell if you’re obsessed with what they think if you’re constantly asking questions about what they think. If you always say things like, “Do you think my new haircut sucks?” or “Do you think I should stop playing the cello?” then you’ll look like you don’t have a mind of your own. If you stop caring about what people think, you’ll be on your way to developing your confidence and sense of self. Working to meet your private goals and doing the things you love is a lot more important than pleasing the people around you. Don’t let people catch you checking out your reflection in a window or staring at yourself in the mirror. This will make it look like you’re overly-concerned with your image.
Take pride in doing the things you love. Whether you love classic movies, building model planes, or running, you should spend time doing the things you enjoy to improve your sense of self. Though no perfect wardrobe or haircut will actually make you feel confident, taking the time to shower, groom yourself, and offer a presentable face to the world will make you feel better about yourself for sure. Hang out with people who make you feel good about yourself instead of the people who put you down. Part of the reason you may be feeling awkward around other people is because the people you’re with don’t make you feel valued.
If you have a friend or just an acquaintance who has amazing social skills, try to spend more time around that person to get a better understanding of how he pulls it off. If you did something that really offended someone or just failed socially, make a note of it so you can avoid it the next time around. Learn to read the dynamics of situation before you jump into it. If people are joking around in a group, it’s not the time to talk about the hard math test coming up. On the other hand, if one person is talking about how sad he is after his break-up, it’s not the time to tell an off-color joke.
Learn to laugh at yourself. That will make people more comfortable around you and will be happy that you’re willing to admit you’re imperfect. You don’t have to be self-deprecating to make fun of yourself occasionally using the right tone. For example, if you always spill on yourself and someone has pointed out the big awkward ketchup stain on your pants, just say, “Trust me, it’s usually worse,” instead of looking all embarrassed and uncomfortable.
If you’re going to a party, showing up exactly on time may make you look a little bit too eager. Show up at least fifteen minutes late if there’s no rigid deadline. Of course, don’t show up late if it’ll look rude.
If the person is reading a book, ask him how he likes it. If the person is wearing a sweater with a college’s name on it and you know something about the school, ask if the person went there and talk about what he thinks of it. You can ask the person where he or she is headed if you bump into each other, and that can strike up a conversation about that person’s interests. Ask the person about his or her plans for the weekend. Try coming up with a list of questions you are comfortable asking that enables you to find out more about the other person in different scenarios. [8] X Expert Source Sheila A. AndersonCertified Image Consultant & International Branding Icon Expert Interview. 19 July 2021
“Nice tennis racket. How long have you been playing?” “Mary always throws the best parties. How do you know her?” “I love Catcher in the Rye. Are you reading that for fun, or for school? What do you think of it?” “What did you think of Mr. Peterson’s test? I couldn’t believe how hard it was. "
Serious breakups The death of a loved one Sexual experience Health problems you may be having Deep personal struggles Embarrassing moments
Your deepest longings Your deep-seated issues with your parents Your unsatisfying childhood Your feelings of sadness, loneliness, alienation, or any other deeply negative emotion The weird rash on your arm That time you got so drunk that you threw up
Any lewd jokes Harsh criticism of the current or past president Comments on the undoubtable/impossible existence of God Criticism of a person you both know Criticism of all the fans of an “inferior” sports team that the person might like Inside jokes that you share with other people Any general comments that would make the person think, “I guess I have to get to know this person for that weird comment to make sense. . . "
Smile and say hello, but don’t go in for a hug unless you’re at “hug” status with the person. If you’re not sure, wait for the person to initiate the hug. If you see the person coming down the hall, approach him or her if you’re nearby, but don’t run to the other end of the building just to say hi or you’ll look like a stalker. Don’t nod too vigorously at everything the person says, thinking that it will just help you show your interest. Making meaningful replies is more effective than nodding. Avoid laughing at every little thing the person says – especially if he or she isn’t even trying to be funny.
“You have a great smile” or “You have a great laugh” are usually safe bets. Complimenting a girl’s dress or jewelry can make her feel special. Complimenting an aspect of the person’s personality can work too; telling a guy he has a great sense of humor will make him feel good. Use your compliments sparingly. If you compliment the person every two seconds, he or she may get annoyed or even overwhelmed.
Maintain a respectable distance and use your arms to gesture occasionally to make your conversation more dynamic. Make eye contact but look away every once in a while so you don’t come off as too intense. Don’t reach out to touch a girl’s hair unless you’re invited to. It’s important to respect her personal space for her to remain comfortable with you.
If you’re entertaining you love interest as a guest, make her feel more comfortable by offer her a drink, snacks, or a seat. Poking fun at yourself a bit will make the person feel more relaxed. If the person accidentally spills or drops something, just say, “That happens to me all the time. "
And if the person makes it clear that you’re not wanted by checking her watch or phone or looking around for her friends, then politely say goodbye. If you’re not wanted, just say, “It’s been fun talking to you” instead of, “Well, I know when I’m not wanted,” which will only make things worse. And if you’ve had a good conversation, just say, “I look forward to catching up again soon” and leave with your head high.
