Learn to let go of the people or situations that hurt you in the past, and look toward building a better, healthier future of fulfilling relationships. Tell yourself that clinging to people is not the way to make them be more loyal to you – in fact, clinging to someone is much more likely to push him or her away. Don’t be frustrated with yourself. You can’t resolve all of your trust issues overnight – but you can take baby steps that make you feel more open to trusting people without being by their side all the time.
A lot of anxiety is mixed with stress – you may be feeling anxious because your world is so crazy and busy and you have so much on your plate that you feel like you can’t handle it on your own. Take some steps to reduce stress, like meditating, doing yoga, and maintaining a healthy sleep schedule, and see if you feel less anxious. [5] X Research source Before you walk into a room full of people, just take a few deep breaths. Tell yourself that it’s okay to talk to new people and to branch out instead of being glued to the person you’re with.
Talking to someone can help you look for the root causes of your clingy nature. There are many reasons for being clingy – maybe you grew up in a house full of rambunctious siblings and were fighting a losing battle for attention, or maybe you ended a relationship with a loved one because you weren’t invested enough and are over correcting.
Give people space in your communication. Don’t constantly text, call, or just “show up” to hang out with a person, unless they’re alright with it. This can be annoying and even rude. Make sure the person you’re calling also calls you. [9] X Expert Source Peggy Rios, PhDCounseling Psychologist (Florida) Expert Interview. 18 December 2020. Don’t smother people. If you smother someone, then you’re always around, and asking about every little detail of that person’s day without giving him a chance to do anything on his own. Try spend at least three times as much time away from a person as you do with him. Even if you’re so madly in love that you can’t keep your hands off your new man, know that this feeling can’t last forever. Enjoy pursuing your interests when you’re not with the person or people you want to hang out with. Don’t look at it as just “killing time” until you can hang out with that person again. Learn to read the signs. If a person needs some alone time, he or she may not be answering your calls as often, withdrawing when you’re together, or saying that he’s having a really busy week. Don’t try to be around even more if this happens, but give the person some breathing room.
If you start planning your entire social schedule around a new person, you’ll be likely to scare him or her off. Don’t immediately open up and talk about how you’ve been looking for a new friend, boyfriend, or girlfriend – this will scare the person off. Don’t initiate every hangout with the new person. Make sure there’s a balance and that you both try to hang out equally.
If people need your help, they’ll ask for it most of the time, so don’t assume that people always need you to take care of them.
If you’re with a significant other, cuddling and kissing is nice, but if you have to hold hands 100% of the time and be glued to the person at parties or social events, then you’ll be coming on too strong. Though you should give your attention to the person you’re talking to, don’t corner the person, maintain intense eye contact, and keep the person from talking to other people.
Make it clear that you have other people in your social network – mention hanging out with them and don’t spend all of your time with the person you’re clinging to. Mention other things that take up your time, whether it’s a project at school, your club soccer team, or planning your mother’s birthday party. Let people know that you’re busy and have to fit them into your schedule, not rearrange your life so you can see that person. Though you shouldn’t blow off your friends, don’t answer your phone instantly or respond to a text or Facebook message within seconds, or you’ll look like you have nothing better to do.
Take pleasure in maintaining several or even many wonderful relationships without spending your time obsessing over just one person. Check in with people once in a while. Don’t be afraid to ask, “I’m not overwhelming you too much this week, am I?” Once you’re aware of your tendency to cling, you’ll be much better at avoiding it. Think about how much more you love yourself now that you know how to be alone and to do the things you really love without company. Being a person who is comfortable being alone will also naturally draw more people towards you.
Find your passion. You may have a love for photography, yoga, or the piano that you never even knew you had. Don’t be afraid to go out of your comfort zone to try something new that could end up filling a lot of your hours. Find a fun form of exercise. Whether you’re running, mountain biking, or taking a kickboxing class, find something that lets you release your extra energy and feel good about yourself in the process. If you take an exercise class, commit to going at least two or three times a week, so you create a new routine that doesn’t involve depending on other people. Devote a few hours a week to your favorite hobby. Whether you love writing songs or poetry, gardening, or making jewelry, make sure to spend at least a few hours on this each week. Not only will you feel accomplished for doing something you love, but you’ll enjoy being on your own more.
Set some short-term goals. This can be as simple as training for a 5K or finally finishing War and Peace. You can write down the target dates for these goals in your planner to keep you motivated. Make a plan for achieving your long-term goals. Whether you want to graduate college with a 3. 8 GPA, get a promotion at work, or write a novel, make a plan for making your dreams come true. This will give you plenty to think about other than what your boyfriend is up to every night. Write about your goals in a journal. Journals can help you be in touch with who you are and what a good future will look like for you. This will make you be focused on what’s important to you.
You don’t have to have ten best friends to expand your network. Just ask a more casual friend out for coffee, or even turn an acquaintance into a friend. Be friendlier with your coworkers or the students in your classes. This can turn into a friendship, or it can just give you something to do. Even if you’re just going to happy hour with your coworkers twice a month, you’ll still be expanding your social network. Get in touch with old friends. Maybe you’ve brushed some old friends aside because you were so busy being focused on one person. Get back in touch with those people and apologize for falling off the grid. Don’t be afraid to make a friend date. If you really click with a girl at a party, ask her if she wants to try a class at your yoga studio or to grab a glass of wine some time.
Go for long walks. This is not only healthy but will help you get in touch with your thoughts. Find a love for reading. Reading is not only entertaining and educational, but a book can be a perfect companion. Redecorate. Redecorating your own space can make you more in touch with what appeals to you and can make you more excited to spend time in your space.
