When you rely on other people for your self-worth, you create this unfortunate sense of codependency towards other people. This can develop into a toxic trait of not feeling fulfilled, especially when you have to depend on someone else for your own level of happiness. Work on self-love to boost your self-confidence. Identify the qualities you like about yourself and that you are proud of. For example, perhaps you are an awesome cook. You can emphasize these qualities by going out and providing support for others in your community. In this example, you can take or teach cooking classes. Tell yourself every day that you are worth it, you are smart, you are attractive, and you are capable. If you have trouble doing this yourself, seek the help of a therapist. Other ways to build self-worth include challenging yourself more often and learning new things. When you overcome a difficult obstacle or develop a new skill you build self-efficacy, which in turn boosts your self-worth. [1] X Research source
Do not be afraid to reinvent yourself by identifying interests that you’ve been considering but have held back from because of fear or self-doubt. You may also want to go back to school, join a club or group, or find additional ways to meet friends so that you have others to spend time with besides just your spouse. [2] X Research source Remember—you are an individual with your own individual life. There are plenty of aspects of your routine that your spouse won’t be involved with.
It may be difficult to give your spouse some room to breathe, but remind yourself that doing so may save your relationship. This clingy behavior isn’t good for you, or for your spouse. Resisting the urge to keep tabs on your spouse at all times and allowing them to have time alone or with friends and family will show your partner that you trust them, which may improve the marriage overall. [3] X Research source
For example, if you text your partner throughout the day, but only receive one or two from them, start sending out that same amount. Rather than smothering them with affection when they walk through the door, allow them to make the first move. Holding back a little bit may present a challenge initially, but it will likely be worth it in the end.
A therapist can work with you to examine your relational patterns, find the origin to clingy behavior, and learn healthier relationship skills. You can find a therapist by asking your family doctor for a referral or by searching for counselors experienced in relationship issues online
Ask your spouse if they think you tend to exhibit these behaviors towards them. For instance, you could say, “Do you think I act jealous or insecure about our relationship? If so, how does that make you feel and why do you think I behave the way I do?” Opening up the lines of communication with your spouse helps them to understand that you believe you may have a problem and value their opinion regarding it. You can also work together to brainstorm solutions.
If one spouse begins that normal tendency while the other continues to want to spend lots of time together, the other may begin to feel “suffocated. ”[5] X Research source You can overcome this dynamic by spending more time apart. You might say to your partner, “I think I have been suffocating you, and I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. I think it will be healthy if we start spending more time with friends or family to give each other some space. " If being apart from your partner frightens you, fill your social calendar. Schedule gatherings with friends. Pursue your education or complete goals that have been left unfinished. Take up a new hobby or skill.
Overcome the trust issues associated with neediness by using language that demonstrates faith in your partner and the relationship. When your partner goes out with friends, say “Be careful, sweetie. Have a good time. " rather than berating them about calling you every hour on the hour. Trusting your partner to be away from you and still uphold the values of your relationship is important. Avoid texting or calling them nonstop when you are apart. Don’t check their call logs or emails.
If you have siblings or other loved ones who experienced the same type of childhood you did, look at how they behave in relationships. If they are also clingy with their spouses or significant others, you likely are the way you are because your emotional and physical needs were not met as a child. [7] X Research source
It’s normal to feel good when your spouse shows affection or tells you they love you. However, if you become crushed or think bad about yourself when they give you less than what you want, it could be because you don’t have enough self-worth. [8] X Research source It’s really important to have your own sense of self-worth, rather than expecting other people to make you fulfilled and happy.
If a person doesn’t have high self-esteem or didn’t have a loving childhood and are needy with significant others, their clinginess could be the reason why their relationships failed. Then in the next relationship, they display the same type of behavior, and may fail in that relationship, as well. Until the problem is resolved, the person may continue to experience the same types of situations. For example, if someone was cheated on in the past, they might become extra controlling with their current spouse as a result of that experience.
