Try to maintain a neutral facial expression (which is different than a “blank” expression). Your eyebrows should be relaxed, you may have a slight smile on your face (if appropriate), and you can nod to show that you are engaged. Try to avoid looking hostile, upset, or like you are zoning out.
Lean in toward the person who is providing the feedback. Keep your arms relaxed and open. Don’t cross them! Refrain from crossing your legs.
When someone is speaking don’t think about your response. Use all of your energy to listen. If you feel yourself getting ready to interrupt, gently bite your tongue to remind yourself that you need to listen fully to the feedback being given.
Try saying, “Thanks for your feedback, Angela. What I garnered from this is that I need to be more alert during staff meetings, correct?”
Try taking three deep breaths after receiving feedback. If you still feel emotionally charged, take a few more breaths before responding.
If your boss criticizes you for being late, don’t immediately launch into a defense about the challenges of getting the kids to school before work or the horrible traffic you encountered. Try saying, “I’m sorry I was late. I will make it a priority to be punctual from now on. ” Other defensive reactions include accepting the feedback and then talking badly about the person behind their back or purposefully avoiding implementing the feedback out of spite. Being unresponsive to make the person uncomfortable, such as just staring and not answering their questions, is another example.
If your daughter tells you she doesn’t like your cooking, urge her to clarify. Try saying, “Ashley, I’m sorry you are unhappy with my cooking. What particular dishes do you dislike?” If your co-worker praises your presentation, you can say, “Thanks for your feedback, Joe. What did you think I did particularly well? How can I improve?”
Try to separate yourself as an individual from the critique of your work.
Think about who is giving the feedback and why. If your boss is asking you to improve your writing skills, this is valid feedback; however, if they criticize your new haircut, you might choose to not give this feedback as much value.
Don’t get too upset if your sister criticizes your makeup. Instead try saying, “I thought my makeup looked great, but I’m always up for learning new things. Do you have any tips for nailing the smoky eye?”
If your partner expresses that you aren’t cleaning the kitchen thoroughly, don’t brush them off. Instead, follow up by carefully washing the dishes after meals. If your boss gives you less than savory feedback on your public speaking skills, try signing up for the next webinar on public speaking that your company offers.
Try saying, “Thank you for your feedback on my paper, Dr. Johnson. I really appreciate you taking time out of your schedule to meet with me and point out ways I can improve. ” If your friend tells you they really admire your parenting, be sure say thank you.
Don’t spend a ton of time pondering the feedback. Allow yourself a set amount of time, perhaps 15 – 20 minutes, to think about the feedback and process your emotions. Don’t let negative thoughts about you or your work consume you. Try saying to yourself, “I have already spent enough time being angry about my boss’s criticism. It’s time to get back to work. "
