For instance, let’s say that you’re talking to a lady you’re attracted to at a party. If she says that she’s in from out of town and that she’s going home soon, you might try saying something like “What, you’re already sick of us?” with a smile on your face. When she starts to protest, pretend to get exaggeratedly offended, all while smiling to make you sarcasm clear. Many women react really well to this sort of gentle, playful teasing (which some call “flirting”).
This effortlessness is key — someone who insists on dominating a social interaction but is visibly agitated about the ordeal can give truly bizarre mixed signals. Think about it: If you were having a conversation with someone who was obviously trying to woo you and was obviously nervously about it, would you be attracted? Doubtful. Don’t bother with “pick up artist” guides that encourage you to use carefully-planned routines of back-handed compliments and psychological tricks to attract women. Remember, if you’re basically reciting from a script when you’re talking to a woman, you’re not really effortlessly in control of the situation, are you?
To be clear, this doesn’t mean you need to be tight-lipped about everything. It does mean, however, that if you see an opportunity to play coy and spark a little intrigue in your conversation, you should take it and see what happens. For instance, if a lovely lady casually asks where you live, you might respond with, “Oh, why? Were you planning on going there later?” It’s a little cheesy, but with a response like this, you’re revealing nothing about yourself and getting a playful dig at your female companion in at the same time. It’s especially important to have a low-key reactions to being rejected. If you’re trying to start conversations with lots of different ladies at a party, there’s a chance that some (or even all) of them won’t be interested in talking to you. This is OK. React to each rejection with no more hurt feelings than if you’ve just been told your shoes are untied.
For example, let’s say that you’ve just wrapped up a great first date with a wonderful lady and you’re walking out of the restaurant together. If you feel a strong attraction and want to hold her hand, casually grab hold of it as you move through a crowd of people as if it’s perfectly natural. [8] X Expert Source Laura BilottaDating Coach Expert Interview. 26 February 2020. Don’t make a big production out of the act — do it as if you haven’t even thought about the implications. If she appears ill at ease or loosens her grip, you can easily follow her lead and let go without making the situation awkward, but if she reacts well, hold on tight! Note: Real smooth guys aren’t creeps. Being casually affectionate is one thing, but harassing women or violating their personal space is another, so keep your hands to yourself or you may be wearing a palm print on your cheek for the next few days.
This is one reason why you may want to shy away from “pick up artist”-style seduction guides. These guides are often written with one goal in mind (sex, obviously), and while their routines may or may not work on some small subset of women, they’ll never get you the genuine joy that comes from naturally, effortlessly connecting with another human being.
Be careful with self-deprecating humor. While a few exceptional individuals can manage to be sexy while making fun of themselves (like the male leads in Woody Allen movies), it’s a risky move for most ordinary people, who may unintentionally make themselves look self-conscious or insecure with this type of approach.
For starters, try acting like everything you do is natural. Don’t hesitate over any decision and don’t agonize over how to perform small, unimportant actions. For instance, if you’re at a party and you want to ask someone to dance, don’t think about it — just do it! Go right over to the person you’ve set your eyes on and ask, “Hey, do you want to dance?” That’s all you need to do.
Stand up straight with your shoulders pulled gently back. Doing this makes you appear larger, puffs out your chest, and usually makes whatever muscles you’ve got look as good as possible. [14] X Expert Source Mark RosenfeldDating & Relationship Coach Expert Interview. 16 June 2021. Hold your head high. Keeping your head up makes you appear proud, confident, and unafraid of your surroundings. However, don’t look down your nose at others — this can appear snobby or condescending. Don’t be afraid to take up space. Confident people aren’t afraid to have a broad, relaxed stance. If you’re sitting down, don’t be afraid to sit back and spread your legs a little. If you’re standing around other people in a crowded area, don’t recoil from others if you accidentally brush against them. Don’t cross your arms. This makes you appear closed-off and inaccessible. Don’t stare at your phone. This makes you look busy and preoccupied and will discourage people from talking to you. [15] X Expert Source Laura BilottaDating Coach Expert Interview. 26 February 2020.
Don’t stare or leer at women — too much eye contact can definitely be a bad thing! If you’re talking to a woman, feel free to maintain fairly steady eye contact, but if you’re not, looking her in the eyes for more than a few seconds at a time can put her seriously ill-at-ease.
Mentally downplaying the importance of the situation or poking fun at it Exercising Getting lots of sleep Deep breathing exercises[21] X Research source Meditating
If you’re looking for new hobbies, start with something that interests you or that you naturally enjoy and try to become great at that thing. Do you like working with your hands? Start making your own furniture. Do you like music? Pick up a cheap instrument at a pawn shop and start practicing. Do you love video games? Even this can be a source of interesting experiences if, for instance, you participate in gaming tournaments or make a gaming channel on YouTube.
One way to immediately and visibly differentiate yourself from other people is to dress in a way that’s not 100% ordinary (while obviously not completely absurd either). For instance, you might want to try buying your clothes at a second-hand store or a vintage shop for a worn-in, retro look or even making your own clothes and accessories by knitting or sewing them yourself.
For instance, if you’ve got certain “dealbreakers” — things that you simply can’t tolerate in your significant other, you’ll definitely want to be open and honest about these with your partner (or potential partner). Think about it: would you rather spend a few weeks pretending to be into someone who smokes, belches, and listens to Limp Bizkit all day, or would you rather politely nip this relationship in the bud? Note that, however, there is such a thing as over-sharing. While you’ll want to be sincere about your thoughts and feelings, you probably won’t want to make things awkward by bringing up intensely personal information before you truly get to know someone.
A reasonable amount of personal independence (like, for instance, being able to support yourself and spend your free time as you please). The opportunity (and motivation) to pursue hobbies and interests. Stable, satisfying non-romantic friendships. A satisfying level of professional and/or personal achievement (like performing well at your job, becoming an important member of your community, etc. )
