Think of a tennis game. You can’t control things like the skill of your opponent, the referee’s calls, or how random wind gusts might affect the ball. On the other hand, you can decide how much to practice before the game, to show up well-rested, and not to stay up all night partying before the match. This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t care about outside things at all. If you can invest your time into external events that are important, feel free to do it. For example, you can stand up for minorities, yet it’s unwise to be affected by thoughts of how painful their lives are and how you’re suffering too. Even though you can show compassion for them, don’t become pitiful. [2] X Research source This will allow you some sort of neutrality in emotional situations, which in turn will help you listen to the other person and make better decisions.
For example, if someone insults you, don’t just blurt out an angry insult back at them. Don’t engage them in an emotional fight, but consider if there’s any truth to their statement and reflect on how you could better yourself. If you feel yourself getting upset and can’t focus on the situation’s facts, try to visualize pleasant surroundings, sing a song in your head, or say a stoic mantra to yourself, such as, “If it’s not in my control, it’s none of my concern. ” Know that there will also be times when it’s also appropriate to not say anything. Walk away and get some distance from the situation before acting.
Educate yourself whenever you can by reading books, listening to podcasts, watching documentaries, and (obviously!) reading how-to guides. [6] X Research source You could listen to podcasts like TEDTalks, RadioLab, and StarTalk Radio. Browse Netflix and other services for documentaries on subjects like nature, technology, and art. If you want to read more about Stoic philosophy, the contemporary philosopher William B. Irvine is a leading voice. His writing is accessible and doesn’t use lots of unapproachable philosophical jargon. [7] X Research source
For example, if someone you care about lashes out at you, don’t just give them the cold shoulder. You could say, “I don’t think it’s wise to just toss insults back and forth. Let’s take some time to cool down so we can deal with this situation rationally. ” “Don’t get mad, get even,” is not at all stoic, so never try to get revenge. If you’re a manager in charge of reprimanding an employee, think of a fair way to hold them accountable instead of blindly punishing them.
In addition, try not to dwell on distractions like world news, current events, and catastrophes. It’s one thing to be informed about global events, but you don’t want to stress or panic about things you can’t control. [10] X Research source
For example, when handed a glass of fine wine, a stoic person might sip it and contemplate, “What if this is the last glass of wine I’ll ever have?” The point isn’t that they’re thinking about doom and gloom, but that they’re appreciating this singular moment of enjoyment.
Your peace of mind is worth more than stressing over something of little value. As the Stoic philosopher Epictetus said, “A bit of spilled oil, a little stolen wine - repeat to yourself, ‘For such a small price, I buy tranquility. ’”
You don’t want to be a snobby elitist, but think about your friends and acquaintances. Do they hold you accountable for your actions, encourage you to learn, and motivate you to improve yourself? Is there anyone who is petty, judgmental, opportunistic, or vicious?
For example, don’t help someone because you want a reward or praise. Help them because it’s the right thing to do, and don’t brag about it or seek attention. Suppose lying about a coworker would help you land a promotion. A true stoic wouldn’t do something unethical just to get a raise.
Take about 10 minutes to do the exercise. If it helps you focus, sit in a quiet place, close your eyes, and take slow, deep breaths. The point is to appreciate that things are interconnected. You’re part of a human community and, ultimately, linked to the entire universe.
Negative visualization can help build psychological resilience in the face of uncontrollable obstacles. That means when something bad happens, you might have an easier time coping if you’ve already imagined it. [17] X Research source
You could look online for quotes by thinkers like Epictetus, Seneca, and Marcus Aurelius. The Internet Encyclopedia of Philosophy’s entry on Stoicism is a great place to look for philosophers, quotes, and further reading: http://www. iep. utm. edu/stoicism/. You can also find quotes, reflections, and other resources on scholarly blogs, such as Stoicism Today: http://modernstoicism. com/.
For instance, you might write, “Today Sam was very short with me. I started to say something back, but caught myself before I lost my cool. I’m getting better about not allowing other people to get under my skin, but still have some work to do. "
