Avoid looking at your phone or your computer while she speaks, as this will just show her you are not listening. Try not to speak too much when she speaks or feel like you need to come up with a solution to her issue. Men have a tendency to want to fix things. Instead, simply pay attention to her when she speaks. Sometimes, listening is really what she wants you to do. Let her know you are listening by telling her, “I hear what you are saying” or “What I think you are saying is. . ”
For example, you may ask her, “What television shows are you into lately?” or “How was your workout this morning?” You may also ask follow up questions if you know she is interested in certain things, such as books, movies, sports, or art. For example, you may ask, “How was that book you were reading?” or “Did soccer practice go well?” You can also invite her to participate in your interests. If you like rock climbing, for example, offer to take her to a beginner’s climbing wall sometime and teach her. This lets her see part of your world, and helps establish common ground.
For example, you may plan a surprise birthday party for her to show her you care and want her to feel special. Or you may plan a happy graduation dinner at her favorite restaurant. You can also take her out to celebrate small things such as finishing a project at work or surviving a strenuous family visit. Dates don’t need to be expensive. You ca get creative and try a fun date night like having a water balloon fight and picnic in your back yard. [4] X Research source
You can also compliment her on a deeper level to let her know you appreciate her. For example, you may say, “I appreciate all that you do for me, thank you” or “I’m so glad I found you. ” Make your compliments specific. If she makes your favorite meal just to surprise you, for example, tell her, “I really appreciate that you know how much this meal means to me, and it is so meaningful that you went out of your way to do this. You made me feel so special. "
For example, if you know she is having a hard time with school, you may offer to tutor her after class. Or you may work on homework with her so she can get it done and succeed in her classes.
When you feel the urge to yell or shout, try taking a deep breath so you can calm down. Remember that lashing out at your girlfriend will not help to resolve the argument or make the situation better. Avoid name calling and criticizing, too.
For example, you may say to her, “I’m struggling to understand your perspective. Please explain it to me” or “I’m not sure what I did wrong. Can you explain it to me?”
For example, you may say, “To be honest, I’ve been feeling pretty down this past week and that’s why I haven’t been as attentive to your needs. ” Or you may say, “Honestly, I’ve been feeling overwhelmed at school so that might be why I haven’t been as emotionally present for you. ” Men sometimes have difficulty naming their emotions. Let her know if you are feeling something that you can’t quite name or express and try to explain what you’re feeling as best as possible.
For example, you may say to your girlfriend, “After our discussion, I realize I was wrong to have not called you. I’m sorry I did that to you. ” Or you may say, “Now that we’ve talked, I get why you are upset at me. I’m sorry for what I did. ”
For example, you may agree to change your behavior as a solution to the issue. You may say, “I will work on being on time for our dates from now on” or “I promise that I won’t forget to call you back. ” You can also both agree to compromise to resolve the conflict. For example, you may both agree to be more honest with each other about any problems you are having at home or at school in the future.
Part of being committed to your girlfriend is also trusting her and not being too protective or overbearing. Try not to control her life or her decisions. Instead of policing her actions or trying to control her, support and trust her.
For example, if you both enjoy travelling, plan a trip together overseas. If you both like to watch movies at home, designate one night movie night and watch all of your favorite flicks together.
If you both have issues around household responsibilities, make sure you talk about it honestly and openly. Work through the issues together and find a compromise where you both are happy.
You may surprise her with something simple, like a bouquet of flowers or a small gift. Or you may surprise her by taking her out for dinner or to do an activity that you know she would enjoy. Be open to your girlfriend surprising you with special dates or gifts, as well! Pay attention when she is generous and giving to you, so you can also feel appreciated and loved. Always thank her.
