After you’ve compiled a short list, try to find patterns in the activities. Identify what you have done well over and over again to understand your skills. As you identify the skills that helped you accomplish things, begin to list those skills in a separate column. You can also make a list of stuff that you admire about yourself in a third column. [1] X Research source For example, if you notice that you’ve been successful at caring for dogs or cats, this could mean that you are naturally a compassionate person. In this case, try to find more activities that will help you to use this skill–such as volunteering at a local animal shelter.
Say something like, “Lately I have felt like I am not good at anything, but I am trying to move past that and identify my skills. What do you think I am good at?”
Be prepared to go outside of your comfort zone now and then. Even though you are setting realistic goals, you might need to do things that you don’t normally do in order to accomplish your goals. After you set a goal, work hard until you achieve it. Don’t abandon a goal because it becomes too difficult. If a goal seems too difficult, try breaking it into a series of smaller goals and focus on one at a time.
For example, if you can’t seem to get yourself up in the morning to go on a hike as planned, you may have learned that you have trouble getting motivated in the morning. Try setting multiple alarms, and maybe even place one of them a few feet away from your bed, so you have to get up and turn it off. Or, you could try to find a different time to hike, instead of forcing yourself to do it in the morning.
If you find that other people are constantly coming to you for advice, but you rarely feel like you have someone to talk to yourself when you’re unhappy, it could be the case that you’ve come to serve the role of nurturer in your group of friends. There’s nothing wrong with helping others, but it’s also necessary to take care of yourself. In fact, sometimes we help others more than ourselves because we’ve gotten used to doing so. Think about why you are inclined to help others and consider the effect it has on you.
Make sure that you challenge any unproductive thought that enters your head. If you catch yourself thinking negative thoughts like “I am a loser,” “no one likes me,” and “I can’t do anything right,” stop yourself and challenge the thought. Counter it with productive thoughts, identifying two positive things about yourself. The more that you practice this positive thinking, the easier it will become. [7] X Research source For example, if you catch yourself having a negative thought like, “I am terrible at math,” reframe the thought in a more productive way by saying something like, “I find math challenging, but I am working hard and improving. "
If feelings of dread or hopelessness last for an extended period, you might want to consider talking to a therapist or mental health counselor. Find a way to disrupt your usual routine or behavior. For example, if you feel that you are surrounded by negative people, you could join a sports club or other local group to meet some new people. [9] X Research source
For example, you might have a sink full of dishes to clean, but decide to put it off so that you can watch your favorite T. V. show. Before you know it, several other demands might arise, such as the T. V. going out and needing to be fixed or a problem arising with a bill you received, which might end up forcing you to put off the dishes even longer. Instead of letting everyday life demands pile on top of each other, tackle them as soon as you think about it. It might be unpleasant at first, but after a while it will become second nature and your day-to-day affairs will seem to take care of themselves. If you are a chronic procrastinator, you might want to consider talking to a therapist or mental health counselor. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help you to stop procrastinating. [10] X Research source
For example, if one of your co-workers often makes inappropriate jokes about women, try to come up with a way to bring your concerns about his jokes to his attention in a productive manner. You could simply say, “I am offended by your jokes because they make light of a very serious issue. ” The discussion might become heated, but the more you practice speaking up for yourself on important issues, such a gender equality, the easier it will become. If you tend to worry about how others will interpret what you have to say and that often stops you from speaking up, try to break that habit. Practice expressing your thoughts and feelings to others without worrying about how they are interpreted, which might mean having to deal with misunderstandings arising when communicating with other people. [15] X Research source If a miscommunication happens, don’t be afraid to share your personal history, especially how you’ve learned to communicate with others because of where you are from. It’s important for everyone involved to realize that such instances of miscommunication are not anyone’s fault in, but they can be opportunities for everyone involved to grow and learn more about each other’s unique modes of expression.
Shower or bathe Style your hair Trim or file your nails Shave or keep your beard well groomed Brush your teeth (2X daily) Maintain a pleasant body odor by using deodorant, scented lotions, and perfumes Wear clothes that fit well and make you feel good Wear makeup that accentuates your best features
