It is important to be clear and direct without giving mixed messages. For example, consider saying, “I’m sorry but this isn’t working anymore. I did care for you very much, but I don’t think we should see each other anymore. " Be truthful with your reasons for breaking up. If it’s that you’re headed in different directions, then say so. If you have lost interest in the relationship, then say so. Just make sure to be kind, and say some words that show there were good times in the relationship too. “I think we both want different things. I genuinely care about you, but I don’t think we’re compatible. "
Avoid getting into an argument at this point. If you have decided to break up with your girlfriend, you don’t need to have this conversation blow up into a blame game. [1] X Research source Be open to listening. Avoid ending the conversation abruptly after you have said that you wanted to break up. Give her time to think and process what is happening.
Schedule a time to call or chat when both of you are free to talk for an hour. Consider a format that is most comfortable for you, but also allows for real-time, voice interaction.
Texting back and forth about breaking up will likely feel heartless to your girlfriend. In terms of break up etiquette, it will feel like the relationship wasn’t even that important. While ending a relationship via text after two or three dates may be fine, if you and your girlfriend have been exclusive and dating for many months, then avoid this way of breaking up.
Breaking up in person shows courage rather than cowardice, and shows that you take this relationship seriously–even the breaking up part. Meeting in person may be more uncomfortable but it can give your girlfriend a better sense of what you’re feeling in terms of body language, your words, and your physical presence.
Some relationships end well and amicably. Think about how you and your girlfriend are ending yours. If you and your girlfriend are already living long distance from each other, there is a better chance that you won’t run into each other on a regular basis. But think about how much you want her to interact with you online or via Facebook.
Honor any obligations you have to cancel arrangements or pay back any money owed. If you have items that your girlfriend would like back, be respectful and return things promptly that belong to her. If there are things that are jointly owned, then consider another conversation with your girlfriend after the break up to discuss these items.
Understand that is better to make a clean break, rather than to have a relationship drag on when you are feeling unhappy or miserable. With long distance relationships, it’s important to see this as an opportunity for growth, change, and renewal. If you have been unhappy in a long distance relationship, you may feel some relief.
If making plans to see each other feels like a chore, then a long distance relationship may not be the best.
For example, if you value time with family and friends more than money and professional success, then this could be a problem if your girlfriend is really focused on her career right now. Or, if one of you wants kids and the other one does not, then this could cause serious problems down the road. Try making a list of values, beliefs, and goals that you have in common with your girlfriend, and a separate list of values, beliefs, and goals that you do not have in common. If the list of things you do not have in common is longer than the list of things you do have in common, then this may be a reason to break it off.
You may feel torn if she was your high school sweetheart, and now you’re finding new love interests in college. Avoid cheating on your girlfriend as an “out” from the relationship. If you find yourself thinking more about someone else than your girlfriend, talk with your girlfriend first. Avoid hurting your girlfriend’s feelings further by lying or covering up about what’s bothering you.
You may find after dating long distance for a few months that you and your girlfriend are actually headed in very different directions. Maybe the support she needs is different from what you can offer. For example, let’s say you were dating for the summer, and now that school has started again you’re in different cities, at different schools, and have different commitments to work or activities. You may feel less connected to your girlfriend now that you have some distance and are back to focusing on your studies and spending time with friends.
A long distance relationship, after only knowing your girlfriend for a few months, is likely to be very difficult. Be mindful that if you’ve been dating your girlfriend for a year or more, then you need to assess if it is the long distance part that is the difficulty, the relationship itself, or both.
