On the other hand, if you exaggerate your qualities, talents, and skills, you’ll come across as egotistical and arrogant. Oddly enough, this is not about overestimating your self-worth but about deceiving yourself through insecurity. There is a middle pathway and it is the one in which you recognize and celebrate the fact that you are a valuable person, equal to everyone else, and that your talents and thoughts are unique and worthy. Getting to this belief can be difficult if you have spent years underestimating your worth but it is always possible to change your thoughts and to learn to value yourself. [2] X Research source
Healthy self love is about being your own best friend. Self love is expressed not through preening oneself all day and constantly announcing how great you are (those are signs of intense insecurity); rather, self love is about treating yourself with the same care, tolerance, generosity, and compassion as you would treat a special friend. Avoid obsessing over how other people see you. How does it help you to cater your personality to their idea of you? Only you can give yourself the esteem boost you need.
Self-worth plummets when we let others make decisions for us. Initially, this may seem like the easy route and one that allows you to avoid hard choices, however, our self-worth grows when we make decisions for ourselves. If you don’t, you will always find yourself boxed in by what other people decide for you. When the people who make decisions for you disappear from your life, you are left alone and indecisive.
What experience have I had? How has this experience informed my growth? What are my talents? List at least five. What are my skills? Remember that talents are innate, skills need to be worked on to perfect them. What are my strengths? Stop focusing on your weaknesses; you’ve probably done that long enough. Start looking at what your strengths are and start thinking about how you can make the most of them in the things you choose to do. Try taking the character strengths survey at www. viacharacter. org. What do I want to be doing with my life? Am I doing it? If not, why not? Am I happy with my health? If not, why not? And what can I do to move into wellness instead of living in sickness? What makes me feel fulfilled? Am I working on that or am I busy working on other people’s fulfillment? What is important to me?
Be very wary of listening too much to people who regret the choices that they made in life and who actively inflict their distress or anger upon others. They’ll give you poor information, incorrect details, or simply omit to inform you at all. People with healthy self-worth will share their insights and learning with you, and will be willing to guide you around life’s many traps. Look for those people to mentor you. Let go of the parts of your self-worth that are based on people’s opinions from your childhood. Whether it was your parents, a caregiver, or kids at school, their opinions don’t determine who you are as a person. If those people made you feel bad about yourself, look for evidence in your life that they’re wrong so you can let go of their opinions.
Affirmative talk is part of a range of methods for boosting yourself and for taking out time to acknowledge that you do matter – just as much as every person around you. Try to be specific with your self-affirmations. For example, instead of saying “I love myself,” you could say “I love myself because I’m a smart, compassionate person. "
Responsibility is recognizing that you are in control of your attitude, your reactions, and your sense of worth. As Eleanor Roosevelt once said, “no one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” and that is the crux of poor self-worth: letting other people and circumstances serve as the source of lowering your self-worth is going to keep you stuck. Accept the responsibility for your circumstances. Make a decision to do something about them. Even if others appear to stand in your way, work around them.
Blocking negative thoughts. Every time you have a negative thought, turn it into something positive. For example, if you think to yourself, “I will never pass this test,” then change the thought to something like, “I will pass this test if I study hard for it. ”[10] X Research source Removing negativity from your environment. Surround yourself with people who are uplifting and supportive. Steer clear of people who are negative and critical of themselves or other people. [11] X Trustworthy Source PubMed Central Journal archive from the U. S. National Institutes of Health Go to source Being assertive. Being assertive will help you to get your needs met and this will help you to feel happier. [12] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world’s leading hospitals Go to source Setting goals. Set realistic goals for yourself, and make sure to reward yourself when you accomplish them. [13] X Trustworthy Source American Psychological Association Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists Go to source Seeking mental health support. Working with a mental health professional, such as a therapist, can help you to develop your self-confidence.
Don’t blame your parents, the government, your next door neighbors. They may have made things difficult for you but don’t use that as an excuse to reduce your self-worth. Avoid being a martyr; the responsibility to move on as a strong, whole person rests with you.
To do this, focus your energy on what you need to do to change the situation or the circumstances. Realize that other people have been wrapped up in the circumstances too and are not necessarily directing the outcome.
Express your feelings instead of bottling them up. In doing so, respect the feelings of others but don’t be beholden to them.
Turn challenges into opportunities. Successful people tend to turn challenges into opportunities. Try to think of challenges in your life as an opportunity to grow into a stronger person.
Retirement savings, investments, and savings in general are all things that will help ensure a sound life for you and financial freedom allows you the space to build self-worth away from financial pressures.
The first value system is that which tells us we must volunteer or contribute community service to others more needy in society because it is both noble and essential for our own sense of well-being. The second value system is that which rewards us for knowing our self-worth and for expecting good compensation for what we contribute to society. These two competing values create tension for many well-meaning people who want to give but find themselves caught up in the challenges of lack of time, lack of money, and a sense of inadequacy with all the juggling. Eventually this will lead to one or more of the following: being sick, exploding, walking out for good, resenting the loss of your time, and/or perpetuating an unhealthy balance that would not only impact you but serve as a poor role model for your children, friends, and others that are watching you. When you feel a need to downplay your talents and skills and give them away freely or at little cost, take back your time and to start valuing yourself more.
This doesn’t mean that you have to give up helping out completely, but you do need to put community service or commitments to helping others into perspective. At the end of the day, you matter more than anything.
There will be some people who find the new, more assertive you a little confronting. Don’t let that worry you because it’s about your journey, not theirs! You are seeking to gain respect as you go, something that people pleasers rarely have.
Keep a notebook of your achievements. Every time you feel tempted to put yourself down and to bemoan that you’re getting nowhere, make a cup of coffee, sit down comfortably and take out this book and read through it. Can you update it with a new achievement while you’re there? Compete only with yourself, not with others. Those achievements are what you do and how they make you feel, not how others perceive them or what others have done just like it.
